My Confessions

HELLO 2012!

2012-01-19T09:18:00.000-08:00

2011 has come and gone so quickly. Many lessons learnt, many obstacles conquered and many experiences added to the list of experiences. I know it is technically, 3 weeks after the New Years, but as I sit in the library, hunching over Circulation and Breathing notes, I still feel that it is never too late to jot down my TOP 10+1 Most Memorable Moments of 2011.

10+1 : New Years at a Kenyan Club

I was going to put up a picture for every entry of this list. But thankfully, I do not have a picture of this experience. It wasn't pleasant but it was definitely memorable. The noise, the people, the dancefloor - mind you, I did go with chaperones twice my age. Looking back, I have no idea how I agreed to this. A few days later when I was asked where I was on NYE by my host dad Karanja, I mentioned the name of the club and he replied, "You were in that hooker club?". Only then did everything make sense. Just once, never again.

10 : Banana Pancakes at Lamu

Yes, Lamu is known for being the hot spot for Somalian pirates, weed and donkey poop, but I still think that it is like heaven on Earth. The skies light up with thousands of stars at night, the people are beyond friendly and accommodating, and travellers get to know one another so quickly that we surprise ourselves by how open we are to strangers. Did I mention our apartment with no walls? Yes, you heard correctly. It was awesome! The delicious banana pancakes are just the cherry on top of the 4-tiered while chocolate macadamia cake for me :)

9: Seventeen Magazine

How can I forget the day my childhood fantasy came true? In high school, we (girls) would buy every issue, reading from cover to cover as we caught up with the latest trends and styles of the season all while getting advice on guys. It was such a blessing to finally be able to write for the magazine! The photoshoot took the whole day and it was tiring, but I still got the adrenaline rush from it all. Alhamdulillah, everything went on smoothly and my two articles were published :)

8: Turkey Time at Manchester

Friends + a whole lot of turkey = fun times! We succeeded to make (from scratch) a whole Christmas Dinner complete with a hugeee turkey, mashed potatoes, vegetables, jam dessert and yorkshire pudding. The meal was ready at 10pm at night but that didn't stop us and our grumbling tummies from eating our well-earned feast.

7: Harry Potter!

Needless to say, after years of obsessing over the series, watching the last installment of Harry Potter was a roller coaster ride for me. Bidding farewell to a world I knew too well was a task that I long dreaded. But life goes on. Hogwarts will still be very close to my heart <3 Cheesy but true! A game of quidditch during my wedding perhaps? :)

6: Being Hired as an (actual paid) Writer

Fun times at the Office

When I started this blog, I thought that I will be the only one who would actually read it in the end. But it proved to be in handy as through practicing my writing here - I actually managed to land a job as a writer at an actual publishing company. I repeat the word (actual) because I still cannot believe I did it. The 5 months at the company taught me so much, and my short stay hopefully did some good. Seeing my first article being published blew my mind out of the water - so much so that I started thinking about the prospect of becoming a part-time doctor and part-time writer. Haha. Met so many inspiring people during interviews such as DS Tiara Jacquelina and ambassadors from numerous countries - while also bumping into JB and Selena Gomez at the VIP lounge at the airport. Got alot of freebies too - which goes to show that working in the media industry comes with a whole lot of perks! :)

5: Publishing DARE TO DREAM

The sting of Embahyah's passing still gets to me at times. And it is always at odd times in the day or in the week where I find myself crying because I miss him so. I pray that Allah is taking care of him. Thus, to numb the pain, the team and I delved into making this book happen so that his story wouldn't be lost with his passing. After months of editing and designing, I am so thankful that it is finally out in bookstores! All that time and effort pouring over the computer has definitely paid off :)

4: Kids Safe in School - Project Fearless

Another big thing to be thankful for. The kids are safe and happy in school - last year and this year too. I won't dwell on this point as I think too much has already been said so I will leave it to you to explore :)

3: Hell's Gate - Bicycle Trouble + Car Accident

Before everything went down hill

I cannot remember whether this was the end of 2010 or the beginning of 2012 but yeah, I was in my first car accident. I wasn't driving but it was traumatising nonetheless. The gang and I were up at Hell's Gate to take a bicycle ride around the safari planes to see giraffes, baboons, warthogs and antelopes up close. It would have been wonderful only if our bicycles didn't break every 2 seconds, if the hills were not so terrifyingly steep and if the jeep that we were in didn't fall into a ditch and angled itself at 45%. Joelle fell over her bike, Sarah was in the corner crying and laughing at the same time, Katie was scared that we will be hunted down by predators, the guys' brakes didn't work and I was worried that we wouldn't reach the entrance by nightfall. All of that emotions combined, we did finally reach the registration hut, and in efforts to 'rescue' the others who were far behind, I hopped into a jeep which picked up Sarah and Kat. After that, the driver reversed the car and it fell into a ditch. Thankfully it didn't overturn or I wouldn't be typing this right now. So the story ends with the three of us walking back through tall grass back to the entrance. The end. Memorable eh?

2: Seeing the Eiffel Tower

That thing was amazing! Elvina and I woke up bright and early to be the first ones there. It was soooo totally worth it. Eiffel was more breathtaking at night. In awe of what before I only saw in movies and in books, I did what any other tourist did. Took alot of pictures! :)

And the number one memorable moment of 2011 is..... (drum roll)......

1: Surprising the Family with an Early Arrival!

This is my number one because it was so totally EPIC! After about 5 months being away from home, I mischievously told the family that I was flying home from Kenya a week after the date I actually booked the ticket. So no hugs for me at the airport, because needless to say that I was on a mission. Creeping up really James Bond like in my taxi, the mission was accomplished - with me freaking out everyone in my family! My dad was the first victim, my grandma almost had a heart attack, my siblings were overjoyed and my mom was sleeping in bed. You can read more about it in my previous blogpost, but I can sum up this once-in-a-lifetime (because even after I do it again after this, they won't be surprised anymore) experience in two words: Mission accomplished :)

To sum up, I am really thankful for 2011. 2011 = love. Heres to many more years of memories! :)

Dare to Dream out NOW in bookstores!

2011-12-15T05:54:00.000-08:00

DARE TO DREAM
Memoirs by Tan Sri Radin Soenarno

My beloved grandfather passed away in the year 2010. He meant the world to me as described in my previous post: Embahyah. But after his passing, I got to realise that I wasn't the only one who felt that way. Many others, both in my family and outside my family had the same longing love for him as I did. Past drivers, shopkeepers, electricians, government servants and bankers lined up to visit the house and offer their condolences after Embahyah left this world, often saying 'He was a good and humble man who helped me when I most needed it. I owe alot to him.'

Having been the person whom I aspire to be, my Embahyah left an unfinished memoir which he had worked on for years. Having wanted to publish it when he was alive, my Embahmak wanted to fulfill his wishes and that is when the whole project began. As the beautifully written manuscript was typed using an old-fashioned typewriter, my sister and I began working on retyping Embahyah's words on the computer before the ink faded or pages were lost. It took us many many hours in front of the computer but it was done!

Next step was to get the right editor, and we were blessed enough to have an international editor to oversee what has to be edited while also making sure that Embahyah's stories and style of witty writing were intact.

After that was done, we had to design the book so my cousin Elly and I headed that task as we brainstormed on how to perfectly portray Embahyah's work in the best of light. After a few months of working while catching a rapidly approaching deadline before I was to fly off to the UK, with God's grace we did it - handing it over to the printers and publishers to take care of the rest.

And after almost 2 years in the making, I am so happy to announce the debut of Embahyah's memoir Dare to Dream!

Here is the synopsis of the book:

In his memoirs, Tan Sri Radin Soenarno tells his rags to riches tale of a young boy who grew up knowing that he was always meant for something bigger. A tale of courage, determination and love, this remarkable story revolves around his experiences in the Civil Service as he served under the greatest minds of Malaysian history. At almost every turn of page, Tan Sri describes his emotional journey to success - from being the first person from his village to graduate from university to being appointed as the Director General of the Economic Planning Unit with every piece of history narrated as seen through his eyes. A role model of formidable intellect, great wisdom and a giving heart, on the 12th of July 2010,Tan Sri Radin Soenarno passed on - but through this personal and compelling memoir penned on paper, his legacy remains.

Reviews:

'A splendid memoir by an outstanding administrator who contributed enormously to nation building - it unveils the workings of the government machinery which is both complex and intricate and shows hoe distinguished civil servant maneuvers through the web of bureaucracy to deliver and excel. A 'must read' by senior civil servant and the general public who wish to have a better understanding of the government machinery.'

- R.M. Alias

'Tan Sri Radin's biography is an unassuming story and a heart-warming lesson on how to live a fulfilling life. It is an inspirational story for everyone.'

- Dorian Ball, Managing Director, Malaysian Historical Services Salvors Sdn Bhd

'It is important that Malaysia's stories are told. The autobiography by Tan Sri Radin, is both a record of an extraordinary life well-lived, and a serving of an important slice of Malaysia's history. It will inspire both general readers and those in the corporate world.'

- Sharon Bakar, Blogger of Bibliobibuli, Editor of Reading from Readings: New Malaysian Writing

'Tan Sri Radin has captured key events from Malaysia's early history in his easy-to-read memoir as he was deeply entrenched in the inner circles of Malaysia's governmental and political leaders. The memoir also provides words of motivation to today's younger generation on the importance of education as a door to vast opportunities.'

- Steven Howards, Author/ International Marketing Consultant

In a nutshell, Dare to Dream is a must read for all! Readers will have a quick peel into Malaysian history while learning about the unique person of which Embahyah once was. I hope this book will inspire many young people out there to dream big and strive for excellence while never forgetting the importance of humility on the way up.

At the end of the book, there is an epilogue written by me to tell readers who Embahyah was and what he meant to me - so look out for that too! All profits from the sales of this book go to charity so please pass the message along to any others who might be interested too!

To end, I am so glad that this small part of Malaysian history is finally out in bookstores for the world to learn and benefit from. Thank you to everyone that contributed and helped to make this happen! Only God knows how much you mean to me.

Pick up the book and have a read. I assure you that you will not regret it :)

Lots of love and God bless,

Ayne xxx

p.s. If you have read it, do drop me a line to tell me what you think of it! Email me at ayne611(at)hotmail.com

Project Fearless Update!

2011-12-12T16:46:00.000-08:00

Gosh darnit! I am so bad at keeping this blog up! My apologies yet again for being a Class-A procrastinator. Alot has happened in the past few weeks as I have taken alot more responsibilities and workload is slowly but surely piling up. I will update you more on that later as for now, I have received updates from Algias that I would like to share!

As all of the kids are out of school due to holidays, Aljas, Matty and Shadrack had a meeting with 4 out of 5 children and their guardians to sum up the school year. The children did alright in their examinations and I am grateful to announce that all of them are moving up a year! Below are some photos and letters that they sent me. And I would like to point out that eventhough the letters are addressed to me, it is also definitely addressed to all the supporters of Project Fearless. Just a word of thanks from the students of Nakuru to all you awesome people out there!

Lots of Love,

Project Fearless Team

For the Love of God - Part 2

2011-11-19T13:08:00.001-08:00

(continuation of the last post)

I just realised that it was just yesterday when I blogged about love. Its sorta like a dejavu moment as the main theme of the conference was love. Haha.

Anyway, getting back to Twins of Faith, the main buzz of the whole day was definitely lectures by Brother Nouman Ali Khan. I have been following his YouTube videos for a while now, so has my family members. And it was sort of surreal getting to finally hear him speak live. It kinda sort of feel like a fan meeting their favourite music band, but in this case, the music band is replaced by an ustadh. Haha. He talked about two topics - and to say the least, the hall was full up to the point, some people from outside the hall were not let in because of safety concerns. Thus, his popularity is self explanatory.

With his talk being entitled The Best of People, he started off his speech by saying that it is easy to point fingers at the ills of society and to get really passionate about politics and what they are or are not doing, but ultimately, yes although you have national pride across your chest, the best of societies do always start with the best of individuals.

And that requires nothing but balance. He paints a funny picture of brothers who are always at the masjid, volunteering their time and effort into making the society a better society - yet, their lives at home are in disarray. Despite times getting tough at home, it is the responsibility of the members of the family to first, settle their duties in the household. "Marriages is the key to a happy society." I have to agree with that statement, because I also agree with a similar one that states 'A happy wife is a happy life!' :) So to summarise, whatever happens at home is projected into the society. Chaos at home = chaos in the community. Thus, the advice given was to spend more time at home! Children need that extra time with their parents - to nurture the ability to carry an actual conversation with their parents that isn't filled with 'Yup, uhuh uhuhs' is beyond crucial. But I'll elaborate more on that later.

He then continued by saying that the next step up is finding balance between others. As I previously mentioned that whatever happens in the home is directly projected into society, sometimes at the masjid or other communal areas, there will be a selected few that will judge you the minute you walk into their presence - trying to accurately determine how far away you are from your deen and how deviant you are from the right path. Some of them might also say 'Stay away from them. They are the deviant group!' and this does nothing but divides the ummah, sometimes even leading Muslims to kill each other in the process. We are in no place to judge and God hates it when we do anything to divide ourselves up into mini sub-specialities. Yes, we can intellectually disagree with one another, but in no way is that a reason to stop loving and respecting one another.

Then, Brother Nouman broke it down for us by saying that it was really clear in the Quran what Allah guides us to do to become the best of people, and some of them include:

Taking care of your parents and family
This means, mothers giving daughter-in-laws room to freely wiggle and it also means having an actual relationship with that distant relative eventhough he/she might ridicule you. However, above all, the most important relationship is between the child and the parents. Brother Nouman mentioned about a son who told his father about his dream - something so minute and unimportant yet is important enough to be shared with his father.

But it does not go that way now in this era as parents are the least favourite place to unload for a child. Maybe the would open up to their mother but it would be followed by 'Don't tell this to dad ok?. Nouman's advice to this problem is for parent to take time to actually LISTEN to their children even if daughters are rambling on about how their hair clip fell out from their hair many times today. By not just responding by 'Yup, uhuh uhuh' all the time, but instead asking daughters about the predicament while genuinely acting interested actually is a sound investment for the future. Because if you don't make the time for them now, they won't make the time for you in the future. And if you don't listen to them now, they would do the same for you in the future.

Basically, to sum up, Brother Nouman expressed that yes, we as Muslims have big goals to memorize this juzu or to start up a Muslim charity, yet we tend to forget the most important fundamentals to this religion. Muslim people create an elaborate picture of a stereotypical good Muslim to the way they look, where they come from etc, that it puts people off even trying because it looks too hard. But the fact of the matter is, it is not hard - God has made it really easy for us, it is just that people get into the way. Remember your purpose - to be subservient to Allah - and God willing, you will not go astray for if your intentions are pure, He would make it easier for you.

Like a domino effect, small acts can move mountains so start with:

God --- Family --- Extended family --- Society

There is actually one more lecture that I would like to write about, but I'll save that for later. Till next time, God bless! :)

For the Love of God

2011-11-19T12:33:00.001-08:00

LIKE WOW! Where do I start? Today has been mind-blowingly inspiring, captivating and awesome thanks to the Twins of Faith conference held in London. It is going to be held in Putrajaya in December, so if you are around that area during that time, I urge all of you to go and check it out - for I see no better use of your time.

Basically, I woke up late today - not such a good start to the day - but I vowed to myself to attend with an open heart and an open mind. Whatever I learn today is a blessing, a constructive one, that I could emulate and use in the future. So I trekked down to Kings Cross station in the wee hours of the morning and got lost on my way to Custom House for ExCel because some parts of the DLR train lines were closed. Luckily though, many Muslims and Malaysian Muslims were together lost with me so I did what I do best in times of trial - I followed the pack, making valuable acquaintances along the way. Because you see, I didn't go to college in Malaysia, so I lack a clique like students who went to KYUEM, Taylors or KMB do. So I tend to swim aimlessly around the sea of people until some nice strangers invite me in to their posse. And more often than not, it works :)

Anyway, I got there in one piece and the convention started off really well with an opening speech by the CEO of Mercy Mission UK - about Love in Islam. He mentioned that in the really large media-influenced world that we live in today, it is easy to think that the four-letter word can only be expressed through certain ways that often lead to us charting into dangerous waters. Love in the West is often associated with lust, passion and sometimes anger - as in, if you don't have a fiery argument with your other half, you are basically not an ideal match. Most times, this sort of love is short-term, even if you dig yourself so immensely deep into it - one of you may get bored, and when you do - what else happens but parting ways. It becomes a source of entertainment rather than a source of fulfillment. On the other hand, love in Islam leads to compassion, patience and unconditional affection and care for one another through the basic fundamentals of loving God first.

Think about it, if you love God, wouldn't you treat your parents well? Wouldn't you go that extra mile to please your husband/wife? Wouldn't you spend more time with your children even after a long day at work? If you love God unconditionally, you would do whatever you need to please Him, and all the acts stated above will become nothing but second nature. The speaker mentioned that he, as a family man, would take a bullet for his wife and would stand in front of a bus to save his child. But the question is, are you willing to do the same for God? Remember, however much a mother loves a child, God loves his creations more than that. God would come running towards you if you come an inch closer to Him and with that said, how many bullets do you think God will take for you? :)

Thus, in a nutshell, the gist of the opening lecture was basically summarised in one sentence which the speaker ended beautifully with:

"You love Allah not because you need Him, but you need Allah because you love Him"

Will be continued :)

Money Cant Buy Me Love

2011-11-18T09:06:00.001-08:00

You would think that in this 'materialistic' day and age, people would be more into LVs than friends. Why have something that is disposable like a friend when you can have a nice and shiny LV, am I right? I would beg to differ. I see a sea of change - drastically approaching this generation. A community that is not fulfilled until their impact on the world is set on stone. Of course, I am not talking of the whole young population though, because there are a minority of us who spend their days entertaining themselves with non-beneficial activities but even if they might be out of a job or kicked out of school - it doesn't mean that they don't want to be a part of change.

I say, give anyone an opportunity to work with orphans in the rural areas of their countries - and you might be surprised at how quickly their mind set change. I might be watching one too many episodes of 'World's Strictest Parents' where delinquent British kids get shipped off to another side of the world to experience a stricter way of life, and they come back good *yadaa yada yada*. Although they might be just giving a front as an act to follow what main stream media wants from them, I would like to give them the benefit of the doubt and say that selfless acts of kindness do change people's perspective on life. People may change their life goals in on encounter with an inspirational individual and BAM, the same person starts a charity - helping thousands of people all around the world in years to come. It just takes one - what Oprah describes as an AHA moment - and the rest is history.

Anyway, I might have steered off topic because the main reason of this post was to tell my friends and family how awesome they are and that I love them. No amount of LV bags can replace our relationships, that is for sure :)

"Now, your love is my reward. Cause I love you even more. Than I ever did before" -You and I (Glee epic mash up!)

Like I said, money can't buy me love.

A quick update for my personal use too: I could actually understand and remember facts in this week's lectures! I is so happy! I might have natural affinity towards immunology and I am quite interested in where this would take me. The nerd in me has spoken.

Project Fearless Update!

2011-11-13T14:08:00.001-08:00

Greetings!

The reps in Kenya recently sent me this email:

"Hello Ayne, how are you doing this days, we are doing fine and hope you are fine too.

How is campus life taking you. Its quite long since we last wrote to you, All is well with us despite the high inflation that has caused life challanging.

We thank God for the project that has seen the students comfortable at school. They are infact preparing for the end term exams. We are still visting the schools on weekly basis to see their progress. The administrators are very glad for the great work you are doing through us.

With much love from, Aljas, Shadrack and the household.

God bless you."

All praise to God that all children are safely learning in school despite the challenging times facing the beautiful country of Kenya. My prayers are with them.

Here are pictures of all of the students safe in school (plus the new addition to the Project Fearless family - Janet Wanjeri!)

Carolyne Sindavi

Brian Malenga

Ali Said

Salim Akatha

Janet Wanjeri

I am one proud and happy mama :) Alhamdulillah.

Project Fearless Update!

2011-10-30T14:56:00.000-07:00

Hello awesome people!

Heres a quick update on the students: I have been in contact with the reps in Kenya and they said that the kids are all safely in school - learning as they deserve to be.

A small hiccup did occur when one of the girls, Beatrice Nabwile suddenly got pregnant without any prior warning. Now that she is with a child, she is unable to go to school. I must say, when I received the news, I was very much shocked because I thought that she, a responsible young woman with dreams as high as clouds would take this rare opportunity to better herself. But in the end, I've learnt that we can never predict the future, so we're taking it one step at a time.

Thus, in her absence, we have instead decided to sponsor a new student. Here is the email that one of the reps sent me: So since then, we have put her into school, and with God's grace, so far so good.

"Hi Anne, feels long without communicating but we hope you are in good health as you receive this mail.
As had earlier indicated to you about the stationaries, we are still waiting for your view on the same.
We managed to go around schools on Monday and Tuesday, an impromptu visit and were glad to learn that the students are in class.

In Upperhill school, we found it good to replace the vacancy left by Beatrice with Janet Wanjeri as she is in dire need of our help too. The other two also need help but it would be most appropriate to consider the girl instead.

Wanjeri has an arrears for last term (1,800 ) and has not paid anything for this term. In fact she was at home when the school administration proposed that she be considered in place of Beatrice. We went to visit the lady who took her in at st. mary's Estate. The condition of the lady is also wanting as she survives on doing laundry from house to house to put food on the table for her two children and now Janet Wanjeri is an added head to her meager budget.

Her school uniform is torn so she borrows a neighbor school mate who has two pairs.
We had to go through all this just to be sure about the status of the girl and noted that her situation is really wanting.We will be waiting for your view on the same that we too may know where to start from.
Due to school fees arrears for last term, she could not receive her report form but the school administratiom has promised to produce them. We will be mailing to you as soon as we get them."

So since then, we have put her into school, and with God's grace, so far so good. Do pray for the well-being of the children. Because all of them have a right to education. Till next time! God bless!

Love, Ayne

Message from my heart. The most devoted body part.

2011-10-26T14:18:00.000-07:00

Everything has been running so fast-paced lately that I have yet to take a minute to take a breather. But that's university life for you. So far so good I must say. Hanging on to my sanity by being active outside the medical school atmosphere. Loads I have learnt in the past month - but most memorable lessons have to be the ones I learnt outside of the lecture theatre.

Lesson 1: If you think Asians are 'kiasu' (intensely hardworking), think again. Because these pale faces can give you a run for your money!

I got hit by the hard truth one innocent day in a lecture on biochemistry. At the end of it, the lecturer suggested that we read the first few chapters of this particular book. I thought, 'Well, he suggested it, but he didn't say that we NEEDED to. But I'll just get a copy anyway.' Little did I know that all 300 of us in the lecture theatre was already strategising on the quickest route towards the library. Right when the lecture came to a close and the doors were open, whooooossshhh went the students - literally running towards the library to get their hands on the textbook. Dumbstruck on what I was witnessing, I innocently assumed that there would be a lot of the textbooks in stock. But when I reached the library, all were gone. In all my days as a student, I have never seen such behaviour.

So I asked my friend who is a second year science student on the normality of these actions. And she said:
'Yeah, during the 1st year, people run to the libraries after lectures. But in second year, people take out the books before the lectures even start.' *oh snap!* Have to accelerate my 'kiasu-ness' from here on out.

Lesson 2: Clubs or clubs?

Being on foreign land, you have to learn a little bit about how the locals work and socialise. And based on my observations so far, making friends here takes more effort than I originally thought it would There is just one route to solve this problem: Clubs. You might socialise through the clubs and societies (which I often try to do) or Clubs (meaning night clubs). However, the two do tend to inter-mingle especially during sport nights.

Because I don't drink, I tend to opt out of the latter option as the only time you can have a proper conversation without head-banging high decibel music in the background is during the pre-drinking rounds. And if you don't drink, there is not much to do really. So because I treasure my sleep more than anything else, I have limited my social activity to being active in societies - joining Malaysian Society, Islamic Medical Society, Surgical Society, UCL SIFE and the Malaysian Netball Team to date. I have my hands full but it is worth it, because I have met a lot of new friends which is quite cool :) My flatmates and I bonded over dinner yesterday. Nicky cooked pasta and although a little bit burnt, the gesture was very much appreciated!

Lesson 3: Affinity to the Familiar

People say university is where your life begins. New people, new experiences, new course. But I found out that even in the most heavily populated university in the world, people can still feel very much alone. In these earlier stages especially, when you say 'Hi whats your name?' and forget 10 seconds later, if you do not have people whom you have known before, you may find that your coursemates feel more like acquaintances than actual friends. Yes, you might sit together and chat up a storm in the lecture theatre, but once the session is over, you go your separate ways.

Thats where familiarity is comforting. Knowing that your high school or college mates are in the same course as you or in the same university as you, people tend to stick to them instead of being lost in a sea of people. Thats why Malaysians stick to Malaysians or college mates form a enclosed group - because being comfortable is the only stress-reliever of university.

In a nutshell, university is not like high school where friends grow up together. Its more independent and for those who are not ready to be on their own, it might come as a big shock to the system. In my case, I do not have familiar faces in my course - but I have made some. And I see them during lectures and occasionally bump into them in the hallways - but overall I like being in my own company. For the first time in a long time, I have space to think. But of course, a day out with good friends is always something that I always treasure too. :)

Gosh. That went on longer than I expected.

Photo time!

UCL statue wearing jeans in conjunction with the awareness campaign on

going blue through water conservation.

Free concert at St Pancras Station! Oh how I love London!

From YouTube to real life, I met and hugged Kina freakin' Grannis!

Home for the next year. Goodnight all! :)

Project Fearless Update!

2011-09-12T08:26:00.000-07:00

I know it has been a long while since my last update on the project but a lot had to be settled before I revealed anything concrete. Needless to say I hit many dead ends since I came back. You see, I have to have representatives there in Kenya to take care of the kids because I cannot be physically present to keep an eye out on them. And when person after person that I entrusted deemed unreliable or cannot be trusted, I had to adapt - which took the majority of the time. Knowing that I have given my word to those students, I tried my very best to search for other avenues to aid them which often resulted to many road blocks to my frustration.

But Alhamdulillah, as of now I think I have a good group of people manning the project in Nakuru whilst I am away. They consist of three people:

Algias Kasembeli

Mediatricks Nabwile

Shadrack Kakai

The project has aided Mediatricks in sending her for sewing classes before, and thankfully she volunteered to help when I needed it the most. he 3 musketeers are the go-to people whom I will be contacting to see how the children are in school and they will handle the finances pertaining the children's school fees and other necessary costs.

Therefore, here is the quick update!

All 5 children are in school. And since the drop of student Mika, I have since replaced him with Kindari Salim (who is a 1st year at the prestigious Afraha High School and is a very nice boy). Since the recent drought that has effected the whole of East Africa, costs and school fees have increased tremendously thus the three representatives are currently settling the extra finances of the 5 children. That is it as for now but before I finish, I would like to convey the gratitude of the children that has been put into school because of your kind donations. Because of God and because of you, they have the gift of education.

Will update soon. So till then, thank you very much and God bless! :)

Valentine

2011-09-04T09:24:00.000-07:00

The new blogger layout is really sleek and minimalistic. The paleness of the white background is really hurting my eyes. But oh well, heres to change!

Today I sorta had an AHA moment which actually built up to this day where I finally realised that in contrary to what is seen on television or what is heard in 'Rolling in the Deep' - esque songs, true love is not supposed to be hard. Don't quote me on this but I feel like love should be natural and easy. If it is not easy, it is not true love.

Just like a mother loves a child or a sister to a brother, that sort of unconditional affection doesn't necessarily have to be doused with reminders everyday or with a slew of PDA comments on social networks. It is silent, yet strong - and when you find that in a person, I guess then only you know that you have found someone truly worthwhile. But don't get me wrong - yes, you have to fight for your love initially when you are finding your footing and defining what the relationship can lead to. But ultimately, in the long run, fighting and having faith are two opposite things. If you have faith that your love is strong enough to withstand anything, than why fight? Instead, ride the tide.

To put it simply, if you really love - you don't have to be reminded of that person every single minute of every day. Thus, texting every 2 minutes from dusk till dawn is unnecessary and a waste of time, money and energy because if it is true what you feel - the person will still be there for you with his/her arms open wide to embrace you even if you haven't talked or seen each other for days/ weeks/ months of even years. Because the impact of your deep rooted care is already permanent and extra affirmations of the truth are not needed - unless that is, if you are unsure. Doubt is what will lead to the viscous cycle of non-stop energy-draining texting, calling, emailing, commenting and dating.

A while back now, I had also read an article in a magazine which highlighted a really interesting point of view of this subject. It said that to know when love is real, both of you are comfortable in each others presence although in silence. That means that when you have the rare opportunity to be with one another, its ok if you don't talk - because that presence is sufficient enough. Plus, if you are on the road for a good portion of an hour with your other half as your only company, I for one would find it exhausting coming up with random topics only to bring up mediocre conversations to kill time. But thats only what I think, of course.

My main point is, true love is EASY. It is as natural as it gets with no need for continuous 'I love you' texts, endless PDA pictures or cute public messages on the internet or everyday dates because in the end, who are you trying to prove anyway? If it is friends who you would like to show off to, theres no need for that because deep down, the unsaid unanimous feeling of observing too much online or face to face PDA coming from the same couple is disgust/annoyance (which can lead to hypothetical vomiting). "Them again?? What did they say this time? I'll give them another 3 months TOPS." is normally how to conversation goes. Couples like these are usually a source of entertainment rather than empathy both when they are together, or have 'tragically' broken up. Sad of you don't realise it but true all the same.

However, if it is yourself or your other half that you are trying to convince your love to, than there is something wrong. Because like I said, true love is effortless, natural and easy. Just like air, there doesn't always have to be wind to make you believe that it is still there.

YAY to New Adventures and Old Memories!

2011-08-27T08:12:00.000-07:00

Since yesterday onwards, I am officially a graduate worker! I know that there isn't such a thing, but successfully ending and completing my first job seems pretty victorious on my end. All in all, I really liked working in the weird world of publishing. I learnt a lot of stuff and I was blessed enough to meet interesting people and do a lot of odd jobs (e.g. interview 11 ambassadors & Tiara Jacquelina - who was awesome btw, scrubbed up into an OT and chase many people at KLIA). Also, because of my job I also landed my dream job! Writing for Seventeen Magazine :)

The photoshoot day was long with all the makeup, hair and posing. But at the end of the day, I couldn't ask for a better day. Look out for the October Issue for my articles on body confidence and female activists! :) For my permanent job however, one of the most memorable instances have to be narrowed down to two - interviewing session with the Kuwait ambassador where me and photographer friend, Aru were lavished with a 3-course meal on Kuwaiti food, and the running-around at KLIA where we bumped into who other than, JB and Selena Gomez. Gosh, good times. My favourite articles which I wrote however would have to be the article on sex trafficking, kenya and my first ever cover story (which had to be heavily edited afterwards) about London. The Hari Raya story was also a good one but it was soooo loong that it felt like a disease that wouldn't die (if diseases die that is. haha).

I can't describe how rewarding it is when you see your own words published on paper :)

However, my colleagues wouldn't let me forget my peculiar misuse of words which are embarrassing but I'll jot it down anyway:

1. Incense sticks ----- incest sticks (why Ayne, why??)
2. Beauty rituals ----- body rituals (self explanatory)
3. The use of continence when it was supposed to be incontinence (doctor FAIL moment)

So yes, I have loved my short yet memorable stint in the media business. So much so I felt really heavy hearted when I had to say goodbye to it yesterday. My bosses were convincing me to give up medicine so that they could keep me, but I managed to not fall for that, thankfully :). They were my first bosses and I do owe them a lot! My colleagues treated my to iftar and they bought me presents too as a farewell send off. My editors also literally walked me to the elevator to bid their goodbyes. I couldn't ask for a more lively group of people to work with. Alhamdulillah :)

Thus, closing that chapter of my life, where to now? Finishing fasting, Raya, packing then London. All set for the next adventure I guess. I pray that it would be as memorable and happy as what I have left behind here. For life is not measured by how many breaths you take, but how many times it takes your breath away. Till next time, Selamat Hari Raya and Maaf Zahir Batin! God bless! :)

I Solemnly Swear that I am Up to No Good

2011-07-15T08:00:00.000-07:00

Today was the most hectic day EVER! All because of a guy called Harry Potter. My uncle bought tickets to watch t at 7.10pm tonight and I was stuck at the office till 7.00pm. Good thing that it was close to the cinema or else I wouldve emotionally DIED!

Anyway, as I was in a rush to watch the last installment of my all-time favourite book series - I ran to the taxi station in the pouring rain and waved frantically at the taxis that passed by. In sheer desperation, I ambushed into another person's taxi because thank God, he too was going to the curve. I was like "Going to the curve right?Yes? Ok!"and shoved myself into the backseat.

So then I speed-walked in my wedges as fast as my legs could possibly carry me. I must have looked like a hungry giant as I stride in large steps and was panting, cutting everyones path. Got to the cinema and 7.20pm and the movie had just started. Sorta bummed but I hopped onto my comfortable platinum lounge seat and savoured every moment.

And yes, it was SO worth it. There were a lot of emotional bits (tear-jerking moments) that made me realise that this is definitely the end of the road. Hats off to the director, crew and actors who put the movie together because it was simply stunning. They managed to tie up all the loose ends and not focus so much on the unnecessary love chemistry between Ginny and Harry which I was so hoping :) You must admit that nothing can do the books any justice - but this movie came very bloody close. So I applaud you for going out with a bang.

Now, it is my time to reflect on how much energy and emotions that I have poured into Harry Potter for the past decade or so. From casting spells on my cousins in the living rooms to waiting for the post to bring my Hogwarts letter when I was 11, and from reading the books over and over again till the wee hours of the morning to anxiously pestering my mom to buy the books from Amazon once it was out - Harry Potter, you have been such a large part in my life that it makes it impossible to say goodbye. Since the end of the movie till now, I still can't believe its over.

But all good things come to an end. And as it pains me to say it, (with a heaving and long sigh) I bid thee farewell. Thank you for the many years of putting a little bit of magic in people's lives and thank you for including me in the wizarding world although for such a brief time. Many can try, but nothing can ever take your place.

Till the day JK Rowling writes an additional book to the story (which is so very unlikely), I am proud to cast a last spell - putting my childhood journey to an end.

Till then.... Mischief Managed ;)

The Pineapple Story

2011-07-14T07:47:00.000-07:00

This is on all-accounts a true story about my love-hate relationship with the fruit.

I used to really really hate pineapple. I detested it when I was younger till the point that I would physically pick out the pineapples from my pizza slices. Something about it just wasn't right - either I thought it was too sweet or too juicy. I just hated it.

Then Kenya happened. Don't know how or why but I started eating them. Bit by bit, one small slice by one small slice. And slowly but surely, it became an addiction. Street hawkers would sell them by the wheelbarrows in the town's centre and everytime I passed them on the ride in a car or a matatu, I can instantly feel my mouth water with hunger. Very peculiar since I did scratch out the fruit from my 'like' list ages ago.

So during my trip to Kenya, I think my housemates would agree that I was a sorta pineapple-moster - buying a whole fruit and a time, gobbling each slice till I got literally sick or two sticky because of the juice on my hands. When I was in Kisumu, I even got into trouble for trying to ply my way into a pineapple in a restaurant using Carolyn's portable knife thing. I guess I was really desperate. Haha.

Until now, I have to admit that my love for the yellow goodness has yet to fade. And since I just got back from Thailand (they had really sweet pineapples), I frown a little when there aren't pineapples during dinner.

My point is.... it goes to show that you should never erase anything from your list. You might dislike or even hate it now, but later on you would find yourself unable to live without it. Never say never. Haha. I still hate coffee though. How long will that stay this time? Will just have to wait and see.

Life is like a pineapple - one day its NO and the next day, its YES PLEASE! :)

Just the Way You Are

2011-07-07T09:02:00.000-07:00

OMG I am really bad at keeping this blog thing now since I started working. Many apologies, blog for my negligence... But since 6pm today I am on leave, so technically its time for a holiday! Tomorrow heading off to Thailand with my grandma and her sisters. Before you say anything, I totally like the fact that I am 50 years younger than my travel buddies because I get to learn alot from them. You should try it sometime? Haha.

So I FINALLY concluded my ambassador interview marathon yesterday. And I am beyond relieved because you can only write the word 'diplomat' and 'meet new people' a certain amount of times in an article before it gets too monotonous. That is why I am thankful that the run has ended with my interview with Egypts Ambassador. He was a nice guy and he really focused on Ramadan instead of Raya when I was asking the questions which enlightened and mixed up the normal routine of interviews. Plus, I got an invitation to the JW Marriot for their national day celebration. But more exciting than that, I got a free umbrella! With the sphinx on it! Life cant get any better than this :)

Here's the list of countries' embassies that I have visited in no chronological order: Jordan, Azerbaijan, Kuwait, Iraq, Yemen, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Egypt, Turkey, Bosnia, and Palestine. Sam did the Sudan interview, which makes a total of 12 for the Raya article. Gosh, they are an enthusiastic bunch!

But anyway, I just watched this video on TED.com about doing something different for 30 days by either adding something or subtracting something from your daily routine. Example: minus sugar intake, add bicycle trips to work. So I got thinking of trying to be vegan for 30 days just to test the 'hard-life' out since I just wrapped up an article about animal rights today. But that was very much hypocritical of me since I ate chicken, beef and squid for lunch right after. But yeah, it would be interesting to see how a vegan diet actually would work in real life. No dairy - milk, cheese, butter? No eggs and no meat of any kind.

I can see that this would be quite hard, I think i have to live of beans or something. But like the words of the Justin Bieber movie go: Never say Never.

That would be top of my list, that vegan diet - although I might have to start with a week of sticking to it and see how it goes first before I fully commit myself for 30 days. Eeeeekk..

Off to Thailand I go! :)

Please dont be in love with someone else

2011-06-18T10:45:00.000-07:00

I know I have tweeted and facebooked the fact that I just discovered that Adam Young replied to Taylor Swift's song - Enchanted, but I just couldn't resist from blogging this revelation!

Ok, to recap - Enchanted is one of my favourite records of off Taylor's new record 'Speak Now' (which is absolutely fabulous btw). I loved it so much because it is so true, lyrically. That pacing in the heart when you are star-strucked/ wonderstrucked by someone youve just met, and something automatically clicks. So yes, since I got the CD for my birthday in Kenya, I have been replaying it over and over using the only in-house cd player in the house at the time. I think it managed to annoy my housemates but on the upperhand, I think I have also successfully converted Katie and Carolyn into Taylor fans. Haha.

Tonight, I just found out that that song was written about Adam Young from Owl City. And I love Owl City too - cause again, his lyrics are super unique and creatively, his songs are of pure genius. Currently loving his new album and the song 'Honey and Bee'. So Adam Young found out about Enchanted and redid a song for Taylor in return. And his rendition was awesome too. 'Taylor, I will spend my whole life wondering if you knew, I was enchanted to meet you too.' Awwww!

Taylor Swift + Owl City = LOVE.

It was just meant to be.

Enjoy the reply video!

If I die young

2011-06-16T07:35:00.000-07:00

It is weird to think about death. Scary and daunting, because how would you ever have the heart to say goodbye to this world and leave? But since I came back from Kenya, many people has passed away. May it be my friend's friend or my little niece - one thing was of similar characteristic. They were all young like me. So it gets me wondering. What if I don't live to go to uni or graduate uni for that matter? What if I will not live to get married or have kids? How will my parents cope with my loss?

Sounds very morbid, but I know that you think of that too. All we can do is to prepare to die - meaning live everyday like its your last day on Earth. Although a very unpopular choice, I wouldn't want to be drinking and being wasted on my last day. I would rather be surrounded by the people that I love - sober. And yes, be close to God, thanking him for the time that He has given me. Most of the things on my bucket list has already been crossed off such as:

1. Going to volunteer in a 3rd world country - check!
2. Visit Africa - check!
3. Learn Quranic language - in progress but check!
4. Get into medical school - check!

Even those not originally on my bucket list but was awesome nonetheless:

1. Being a writer
2. Learned to sew
3. Helped kids go to school
4. Fell in love

and it is all because of Him. So even if I die now, I'll die a happy person.

I have a lot of interviews with ambassadors these days and one interview has stuck in my mind for sometime now. The Bangladesh Ambassador said to me "I believe that God is in everyone of us. So if I disrespect you, it is as if I am disrespecting God. But if I do good to you, I am doing service to God."

I thought, if only everyone else had the same idea, this world will be without war or violence. And when I visited the Palestinian Ambassador, I am just captivated at how strong he is despite on knowing how his people is suffering back home. "I hope to see my country free one day before I die so that my children and grandchildren will have a place to call home." Now that I have seen first-hand on the troubles and tribulations that a real Palestinian has faced, I proudly wear a wrist band saying Palestine - Freedom in green, white, black and red - courtesy of the Embassy of Palestine. :)

All of this, I take them as life lessons and I believe that slowly, but surely God is unravelling the beauty of this world to me. The beauty of His creations. And I love Him for showing them for me.

LOVE is a powerful word and it is my understanding that we should love God, not so much fear Him. People should only fear the consequences of their actions because at the end of the day, we are all held accountable. But fearing is like fearing an enemy or a really scary person whom might harm you. But God is just, kind, lawful, All-giving and All-forgiving and won't you want a loving and close relationship with Him? Like the love we have for our parents, we don't do what they said we shouldn't do because we LOVE them, and just like that - we should have a real relationship with God. Bring Him into your life and you will be surprised at how happy and easy your life will be. I know, from experience that it has worked for me.

But don't get me wrong - I am not perfect. But I am getting there, InsyaAllah. Till next time!

MIA

2011-05-25T07:20:00.000-07:00

You can't possibly put a price on that.

Alot has happened since my last post. But the main reason of my disappearance is due to work, cause since Im writing there full time, Ill reach home and think, 'Uh! no more writing!' But in the same time, without me noticing or expecting, writing is slowly becoming my passion. Story telling. So freakin awesome.

Tomorrow I having a brainstorming session with the editors and boss about the next issue of the magazine. I cant really point out what exactly the magazine lacks, but I do hope that I am able to give some constructive input. Been writing so much about the economy and policies and business that finally indulging myself in a bit of lifestyle and culture is a breath of fresh air!

I am also becoming quite eager to actually start university. Uni life will be different for sure, but good different I hope. But for now, chilling with my cousins during the weekend would do.

A quick update on the project though. I am having problems regarding communication but I am trying my best to fix it. But rest assured the donated money will definitely be channeled to help people.

What else? OH YES! Two things that I saw in todays Star newspaper. One was a really good article in RAGE about volunteering and young activists which was really inspiring. I like the whole change of layout of the whole newspaper. Its more vibrant and edgy. Bravo Star! The other thing to look out for was a marriage proposal in the Classifieds section. At first, I was like this is so cheesy, but I can't help but feel that this was also a cool way to propose. Maybe the fiance was looking for work, so she would have stumbled on the 'ad'. But if I were her, I would be absolutely embarrassed. Haha.

My editor gave me a CD of the latest Owl City album and its good! Particularly liked the Honey and the Bee track. Thus, many good things has happened, and I cant help but feel happier, more and braver. Till next time!energised

In God, I trust

2011-04-27T08:22:00.000-07:00

If you have read my previous post on my niece, you would know that she was in a horrible medical state of being neither here nor there. Having been on life support for 2 months, my beautiful niece was not able to awaken from her coma, leaving us, her family hoping and praying for the best. But as of 8.20 pm today, the battle is over leaving Afrin in the hands of God Almighty. Afrin passed away today, leaving her two brothers and parents behind to live on.

Though it pains me to bid farewell, it pains me more when I begin to think of what it must feel like to loose a child. What your parents are going through right now. Because Allah has already assured you of Heaven, little Afrin, I pray for the guidance of your parents and your family. I pray that God will banish their grief and I pray that God will protect them from the Devil's tautings as well as give them strength to move forward without you.

It does feel like July 2010 all over again but life goes on, and we who stay back on Earth can only pray that when the day comes when its our turn to leave, we leave with strong faith in our hearts. Ameen.

Goodbye Afrin, you will be missed.

Dear readers, I plead to you to lend a prayer to my niece and her family. May God bless you all.

You can go no where but up

2011-04-26T03:53:00.000-07:00

Greetings to those who are here because of the Star newspaper article! It was a really big surprise for me too because I was spending the night at a friend's place and when I woke up early from slumber (which rarely happens because on weekends, my body clock somehow only allows me to wake up around noon), I got a facebook msg from my cousin, saying that I was in the newspaper. Panicky, I asked Arina to check it out, thus the story of my short-lives adrenaline rush. Later that night I checked my blog to find almost 1000 hits that day. Like WOW. Thank you for those who read my ramblings, especially those about Kenya because I would really like to share and urge everyone to do their part for the betterment of this world. And for those who wished me the best of wishes, I thank you deeply and to those who sent me emails wanting to help, I will reply very shortly! :)

With that aside, this blog is still initially made so that I would not forget important events in my life. And since my last post, I have been working for the first time in my life as a writer. And I am quite enjoying it actually. Minor glitches aside, being a writer is actually awesome! I would never thought that I could but with God's grace, I am, so I am really thankful.

So anyway, I was on assignment in KLIA collecting information through multiple scheduled interviews with shop owners and MAB people when our colleague, R said "Justin Bieber is leaving KL today at 1.30pm!'. I totally froze, so did my editor who accompanied me. I have seen Bieber before by accident since he opened for Taylor Swift in her London concert, so I didn't really mind missing his KLIA appearance. But my colleague was adamant in seeing him so burning my tongue trying to finish a cup of tea quickly so that we can rush to get a glimpse of him, I followed my editor as he charged in search of the VIP room.

I never knew those rooms existed, it was so posh! And since I had the media tag on me, I was given special access. one of the perks of working for a magazine. Anyway, the bouncers/bodyguards of Justin were massive! Tall in stature and with muscles as big as my waist, he warned my editor who was holding a massive DSLR camera to not take any pictures of Bieber or else he would be obliged to throw the camera away. Literally. And since he didn't seem like he was playing around, I hid my Iphone cause I didn't want to be at the other end of his fist.

After a couple of minutes waiting near the buggy, Justin together with Selena Gomez and Scooter Braun (his manager) and his mom emerged from the VIP room. I was totally star strucked because I didn't expect Selena to be there too! Justin was joking around with the buggy people and he seemed like an all around nice guy. Older mak ciks with hidden handphones aside, the other fans who were on prowl to catch Justin up close included me, the editorial team and a lucky Australian family. I wanted to shout to catch their attention, especially Selena's but I was to dumfounded by what I was witnessing that I literally couldn't utter anything. They were SO CLOSE! Like a few steps away!

The buggy drove off and I had a moment where Justin's mom was acknowledging my presence, but the one minute JB experience was over. I have no idea why I keep bumping into him, every time unintentional. This world is so BIG, yet our paths still would cross. Got back home to a jealous sister when I broke the news that I saw her idol yet again. Haha. Oh well, life goes on.

So yeah, two OMG Random moments in a week. That must me some sort of record! Till next time! :)

So high, cant come down

2011-04-11T07:42:00.000-07:00

Yes, I am high. High on exhaustion. Today was my first day of work! EVER!

I never thought that I would work, but now, the prospect of the extra money that I will receive which I could use later on for more traveling caught up with the best of me. I only did one other interview for a job, and that went well for them, but really lousy for me. They advertised the post as 'Event Crew', so I thought, well great! Now I can go on road shows and set up and stuff. The first interview went well so I got to the second interview. During the next cut, I was sent for an observation day with actual event crew. And that is when I found out what the job actually entails. 'Event Crew' is basically my worst nightmare coming alive, a door to door sales person. You know, the kind that sneaks up on you while you are eating and says 'Do you have two minutes?' I hate them! So after a few hours 'observing', I bailed. I am rubbish at marketing, and I really hate convincing people to buy my stuff. It is just so alien to me. I don't like forcing people, period unless it involves my siblings taking a shower or reading a book. But that is family. Not strangers! So that was a colossal waste of good sleep time.

To those who are yet to be in the know, I am officially a writer today. I work at a publishing firm who publishes 6 magazines at once. I do not know how they could cope, seriously. There are like only 10 writers, that is including me and the new girl. And we aint ready for a piece yet. So, basically there are 8 of them. Like each person has to write a magazine. No wonder the editors would clock off around 10pm. But being a newbie, I didn't go back that late. I clocked out at 7.45pm. And with only an hours lunch break, I have successfully worked for 10 hours. That is almost half a day. Considering, that I used to use the same amount of time in sleeping, I think that is a major achievement.

Part one as a junior writer involved very minimal creative output. Me and the new girl were given calling tasks to complete. Basically, I harassed all of the major development companies in Malaysia to let me know about their latest luxury properties. It is all for a special feature in one of the high-end lifestyle magazines, which I ironically don't read, because these mags are only for the elite and thick pocketed. I, to my dismay, didn't even know that a five year old could spend her birthday at the Palace of the Golden Horses and have her ceremony be graced by the Queen. That is just wayyyy out of my league.

Another really weird thing was when I wanted to take a cab home, my taxi driver, used to work at the same publishing firm as a dispatch boy. And he warned me about the someone in the company. And because of its wrath, he foresees me only staying for 6 months to the most. Which is what I intend to do anyway because of university. Can't wait to actually write though.

Yesterday, I bid au revoire to my mother. She hopped on the plane to pursue her PhD in Aberdeen. I am grateful that she has landed safely. Miss you Mama!

Open my eyes, it was only just a dream

2011-04-02T00:39:00.000-07:00

Hello blog! Sorry for the absence but I have been busy doing absolutely nothing. Sleeping at 2 and waking up at noon, without a care in the world. Paradise.

I did try to score a job that day. But I kind of walked out the observation day when I realised that 'Event Crew' means going from store to store, promoting and selling make up! Eventhough the pay was good, I couldn't bring myself to do what they did. If you know me personally, I hate selling things to people. practically forcing people to do what I think they should for my benefit, I just have no skills in that area. So, spending my 6 months holiday asking people whether they could spare me 2 minutes of their time, only to waste 10 minutes, is definitely not an option for me. Thank God I am doing medicine. At least I would not have to sell myself as a good doctor, or promoting different brands of medicine. In conclusion, I suck at marketing and I am terribly shy and timid.

So I have been spending quite some time indoors, writing a gap year project book of mine. Compiling thoughts and memories into a book is awesome yet incredibly tiring. I am up to page 54 and I have only reached day 13 of Kenya. On average, that is 5 pages per day. Ironically, the juices up in my brain do not flow as well in the day time. But by midnight, my fingers will tap on the keyboard almost effortlessly until I get too tired, almost always around 2 am. Thus, the awkward sleep pattern.

I realise through this process that it would be nice and ideal if I could have a writing career alongside my medical career. Brings in more mooolah into the Ayne household for sure, but other than that it is also a nice way to vent and express myself. I don't know, it is just an idea. But if it happens, Alhamdulillah.

I have finished reading the sequel to Eat Pray Love, titled Commited. About marriage and relationships around the world, it is a really interesting read. Elizabeth Gilbert sure can mantain her light and funny demeanor throughout the book. Currently, I am on the book 'Tales of A Female Nomad'. Goes to show my specific genre when it comes to books. I like Non-Fiction now, especially if there are multiple countries involved.

Till next time!

And at last I see the light

2011-03-13T09:19:00.001-07:00

And its like the fog has lifted.

And its like the sky is new.

And its warm and real and bright.

And the world has somehow shifted.

All at once the world look different, Now that I see you.

I am in dire need of hope at the moment. Yesterday I visited my niece whos in the ICU fighting for her life. Looking at her, it seemed all too familiar. I am transported back to last year, where I am standing alongside a bed similiar to this. Hoping, somehow like this. That my grandfather would somehow revive. Holding his hand, asking God to grant us a last miracle. But most times, things dont turn out how you planned and i had to let him go.

This time its happening again, to a different person in my life and I feel hopeless. I pray so hard for her to fight this because everytime I look at the parents, I cant think of anything more painful. Shes only 6. So i pray, to Allah, please please please help Afrin regain strength and shine her way to return to her parents. Please. If this is best for her now and for the here after, please send her back to her family. Amin.

Come home, Afrin.

All my life Ive been good but now, Im thinking what the hell?

2011-03-09T08:34:00.000-08:00

I have officially been bitten by the travel bug. I am only 3 days in arriving at home, and I already want to hop on the first plane to a distant country. This might be tricky and prove consequential to my future and wallet.

Anyway, I didnt want to announce when I will get back before because I wanted to surprise my family by randomly showing up at the house and having a conversation something like:

'Hey, have you seen the paper lately?'
'Yeah, it was interesting... OMG AYNE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE???'
'I took an earlier flight but whats up with this nations article huh?'

But in the end, I couldnt contain my excitement. My maid was outside talking with another maid, so when my taxi pulled up to the gate I said, 'Kakak, bukak gate perlahan-lahan and jangan bagitau mama and papa.'

Cunning? I know. So the taxi pulled up and I left him and my maid to deal with my luggages since I already paid the fare.

First victim : PAPA
He was in the living room, very innocently watching television, football I think. I quietly, and very like James Bond, sneaked up to him, tip toeing towards his back. And with one swift move, I leapt out and grabbed him around his shoulders and yelled 'SURPRISE!'
Should have seen my dad's face, utter astonishment.
SUCCESS

Second victim : EMBAHMAK (GRANDMA)
Again, sneakily I walked through her opened bedroom door and yelled 'SURPRISE!!!' My grandma was standing there, speechless. She had a face mask on, and eventhough I knew she wanted to use her facial muscles, she couldnt. Only her eyebrows rose up high, leaving cracks on her mask. 'I THOUGHT YOU WERE COMING BACK ON THURSDAY??!?' Then, we hugged. But she did give me a small smack first for scaring her like that because according to her, her heart is not strong enough for surprises but I beg to differ on the basis that she does 30 minute treadmill walks everyday.
SUCCESS

Third victims : LITTLE SIBLINGS
Their reactions were alot less thrilling because they rather watch cartoons than say hi but my little sister, Fytri had a glow on her face, because the day that i came back was also her 5th birthday. So, SURPRISE BABY SISTER! HAPPY BIRTHDAY! :)
SUCCESS

Fourth victim : MAMA
I feel sorry for this one because at the time, my mom was still sound asleep in her bed. I turned her bedroom door knob really quietly and tip toed in, and since I had the previous experience, by this time, I was really good at it. I reached the side of the bed and poked her. She rolled over and her eyes shot open. 'WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?' I aughed hysterically at her expression and when it sank in that it wasnt a dream for her, but it was actually a very blurry reality, we embraced.
SUCCESS

Fifth victim : SISTER
Ezryn got home late because she had a camp to attend. She walked through the front door, but didnt notice at first. Mama said ' We have a surprise for you.' 'Surprise? What surpr....KAK AYNE!!' She shot towards me and hugged me tight. She even cried. Aaaawww bless her.
SUCCESS

So, all in all. Operation Surprise the Family was a total success and eventhough it was so hard to withhold the information from my parents, it was so worth it. The looks on their faces = priceless.

Day 152 : Twas a good day, then it turned totally sour

2011-02-25T04:42:00.000-08:00

Had the first proper meeting with the colleagues in charge of the project whilst Im not in Kenya which went on super. They understood well and everyone was keen on the project, which made me happy. Putting 2 more boys into school, which hopefully will go on ok since that means two extra schools to look after, which makes a total of 5! I will be up to my elbows in work, but hopefully it would be worth it.

Then, I went to the bank and guess what? The stupid branch manager, after about 3 months having the damn account, said that I cant transfer the finds online to other banks! Which was the first and only reason that I opened the bank account in the first place! Every other employee said I could, so I went with it, thinking that it would work out once I got back to Malaysia. I hate Kenyan Banks so much that I wish they would all go bankrupt. Kidding, but that was actually how I felt because not only did they let me run around like a chicken without a head, looking for documents to open the account in the first place because every time I went they would say, 'You dont have this document. Oh, no one told you? I thought they told you. Well, you need this document to open the account.' Just like that. Without an apology or anything. No courtesy at all.

So now I am left with the only choice of transferring the funds from my Malaysian account every three months, directly to the school. Which would be another headache because I have to transfer it in USD not Kenyan Shillings. So the schools might get more or less than the actual wanted amount. But the stupid banks here leave me with no choice, so I think Ill go with that then.

Dont get me wrong, I love Kenya. But it has been stressful. So I cant wait to pack my bags and leave for home. But looking back at all the good memories Ive had here, I have an aching feeling that I would board the airplane with a heavy heart.

Awesome moments blogpost will be put up before I leave Kenya hopefully. Top ten moments!
Managing this project has been stressful, but hopefully, it will be worth all the effort and time that Ive put into it. InsyaAllah.

Day 144 : Like multiple stabs to the heart

2011-02-17T02:45:00.000-08:00

I was just hit by HUGE news regarding one of the people I am trying to help through Project Fearless. Know that I am beyond upset, but some how I knew that this kind of things is bound to happen when trying to help people here. So here goes.

I went to one of the secondary schools to pay off the school fees for two students. Ali Said's fees has been cleared so I wanted to clear Mika's. I knew he had a balance of KES 9000 from previous years of school but the situation as I knew it was the board in the school had a meeting, and hearing about Mika's case, they decided to reduce the balance to a payable amount. So thats where I came in and payed the waived balance and the first school term's fees with it. I thought it was settled.

But the real story is that Mika has parents. And they live in Nakuru. During the disciplinary meeting, his parents were present and they agreed to pay off the balance but the school should tell me that I could support him from Form 3 onwards. No one told me anything about this, because I think the parents did not want me to find out. Not only did they scam me, the whole school ganged up together to not tell me. I felt really played. Mika, on the other hand, has not been going to school at all. He normally goes off to Nairobi and be a street kid, doing drugs and what not. I knew something fishy was going on when he mysteriously disappeared for one week before I left for Lamu. He said that a lady offered to take him to the hospital, then suddenly the lady drove him to Nairobi and he got stranded. ALL LIES.

So yes, it was like a stab to the heart because I used to have great conversations with him and I personally made sure that he got the selection interview for school. I am just so disappointed in him. That goes to show that helping people is not easy. You will get scammed, you will get lied to eventhough you have nothing but the purest of intentions. Prepare to be hurt, to see people have a better life.

As of now, I have retracted my sponsorship for Mika. He has lied to me too many times to trust him again. And I believe many others deserve it more. I have checked on the other two boys, and they have been going to school and their stories are legitimate. Im going to check on the two girls later.

I want to take the opportunity to apologise for the wrong information, because in total honesty, I didnt know. And as of now, I forgive Mika. It is not my loss, its his.

Day 130 : Back from Coast Holiday

2011-02-10T01:55:00.000-08:00

Just got back from Lamu. It was a lovely break from the hustle and bustle of Nakuru. There werent any vehicles in Lamu, only donkeys and the beach was lovely with warm sea as our playground. Our apartment, had no walls! Literally had no walls, no doors and no windows. On the last night, I slept on the top floor which housed a bed which had a 3 walled niche around it, with a little straw roof. I watched the hundreds of stars in the sky before I slept, and was woken up by the smiling sun slowly appearing from the sea. Stopped in Mombasa. Malindi and now, in Nairobi. Pictures will be up soon so that you would see for yourself, the beauty of Kenya.

I also would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who helped me spread the word for Project Fearless. Those who flooded my inbox with emails and those who generously donated to the cause, I thank you and I pray that God will bless you. Amin.

Till next time my lovelies! xxx

Project Fearless

2011-01-29T04:44:00.000-08:00

Hello. My name is Ayne. I am 19 and am from Malaysia. Currently I am on my gap year, spending six months volunteering in Kenya. May I introduce you to my gap year project, Project Fearless.

I chose the name 'Project Fearless' because I really like the concept of Fearlessness. In Kenya, people are struck by fear everyday. Not being able to provide for their families. Not being able to go to school. No where to live. No family to rely on. No food to eat.

Yet, throughout the 4 months that Ive been here, one thing that I have learnt from the Kenyans is that despite of all those fears, they never stop striving for the right to live. Even if it means, earning only RM 5 a day, they would get up early and strive for that little money. They would do the most demeaning of jobs like selling socks at the roadside or selling roasted peanuts or selling cheap purses to people on the matatus. Even if it means 12 hour long days breaking large rocks into smaller rocks, they would do it for the sake of themselves and the sake of their family.

I see fear everyday in students. Am I going to afford that book the teacher asked for? Am I going to do well in my exams so that I could be a doctor? Who is going to pay my school fees next term? Yet, they still make the effort to go to school on foot, even if it means a 2hour journey in the burning hot sun or in the pouring rain, because they believe that they deserve an education. And through education only, will their lives be altered for the better.

So, in short, I am inspired by these people. Despite everything, they remain fearless. And that is a very important aspect in life, because what is life without fear. Comfortable, yes. But not a life worth living. So I thank God for fear, for it helps me and everybody else grow, learn and inspire.

The main objective of this project is to help those who prove to be fearless. For the students, put them into schools and for the Mamas, give them skills or help them start up a business. We are one humankind, not segregated by religion, race or colour, and it is our duty as brothers and sisters to help one another.

Many people inspired me to start off this project, but four people pushed me to not only hope for the best, but pushed me to act.

One of them, my late grandfather, Tan Sri Radin Soenarno. He passed away several weeks before I left for my journey in Kenya and he meant and still means the world to me. He was the most generous person I know, giving to everybody, even people he barely knew without saying anything to anybody. Two things I learnt from him; one was never to give up despite all the hard challenges one has to go through, never ever give up. And two, always give. You will never be at loss, if you give. So following in his footsteps, I decided to help others.

The other, Tan Sri Halim Saad. I was enrolled into his college and he taught me the importance of education. And how education can change lives. I owe alot to him since he gave me a place to grow and study for 5 years in high school. And I believe it is that college that groomed me into what I am today. He was also a do-er, making things happen and helping others, giving them an opportunity to be their best that they could be. If you, the reader, is from KYS, you would know what I mean.

Last but not least, my parents, Mama and Papa. They taught me the gift of giving and they easily let me go when I said that I wanted to spend 6 months in Kenya when many parents would have said no. I love you to bits and I always strive to make you proud. And everything I am, it is because of you.

And since I am doing this, I want to put it out there that I am not doing this to be well known or to be praised because putting up this project and getting it to run, was not an easy nor a glamorous job. A small task of opening a Kenyan account was stressful and was a real struggle, even more so when trying to convince principals of schools to take in the students whom I support. I am doing this purely and solely, because of God, and to me, that is Allah swt. For He has given me so many blessings so far in my 19 years of life, it is so wrong to me, to stand back, see all these hardships happen, and not do anything about it. So here I am, acting, making a small step into creating differences in peoples' lives.

'Once upon a time, there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work.
One day, as he was walking along the shore, he looked down the beach and saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself at the thought of someone who would dance to the day, and so, he walked faster to catch up.
As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young man, and that what he was doing was not dancing at all. The young man was reaching down to the shore, picking up small objects, and throwing them into the ocean.
He came closer still and called out "Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?"
The young man paused, looked up, and replied "Throwing starfish into the ocean."
"I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?" asked the somewhat startled wise man.
To this, the young man replied, "The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don't throw them in, they'll die."
Upon hearing this, the wise man commented, "But, young man, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can't possibly make a difference!"
At this, the young man bent down, picked up yet another starfish, and threw it into the ocean. As it met the water, he said, "I made a difference to that one!"'

-Loren Eiseley

I am humbly starting small and have picked 7 people to help in this project. I have met all of them, learned their stories, found avenues to help them and acted in hopes that it would make a small or large difference in their lives.

Here are their stories :

1. Mika

2. Matty

3. Caro

4. Brian

5. Beatrice

6. Mama Mohammad

7. Ali

I do realise that I cannot do this alone, so I am humbly requesting your help. If you are reading this at this moment, I believe God has brought you to my page and it is now your duty to read, understand and act for if you do, you will be rewarded by Him with great rewards, God willing. Let us cultivate a culture of giving to the needy. Be wiling to give up small things so that you can afford to help those who need it more. I am thankful for having these people as my company in Kenya, and I am thankful for bringing you, the reader, to me. God bless.

To contact me, email me at : ayne611@hotmail.com

Project Fearless : Mama Mohammad and Ali

2011-01-29T04:41:00.000-08:00

Mama M and Ali, both of whom I met through the Muslims Womens Association. I met Maryam first and said to her, 'I want to help my fellow Muslims. Please could you help me find a family that desperately needs help.' So she did and thats how I met Mama M's family.

Zainab Said, born in 1961 was quite fine in the early 2000s but after her husband passed away in 2003, because of pneumonia, her world came crashing down because he left her, unemployed, with... wait for it, 8 children to support on her own. If that isnt heartbreaking enough, 2 of them are very sickly. Both of them are her daughters. One of whom is paralysed from her neck downwards, so is bed ridden all the time. She is 22 now but she was born in that condition. Her other daughter, Aminah, is epileptic, so if she gets angry or upset, she is prone to epileptic fits and has to be taken to the hospital. So its clear that Mama M has gone through alot of trials in her life. However, she keeps on fighting for her family. She used to have small businesses selling food and little things, like perfume and hijabs, but that fell through when alot of customers owed her money and when all the profit went to paying the girls' hospital bills.

So as help, until she gets herself back on her feet, a micro-loan of KES 10000 (RM 400) was given to her, payable monthly of small amounts until she pays it off starting from next year, after InsyaAllah, the business has grown. To be honest, I dont really care if she pays it back but I say to her that its a loan, so that she would work hard at it. But I believe the little money would help her and her family to begin to support themselves. Maryam and I also advised her on making it a family effort to pull themselves out of poverty, by asking all her children that are over 18 to find work. That would put less pressure on her as the sole provider and it also grooms her children to take some responsibility since their main provider, their father, has returned to Allah. I hope and pray for nothing but the best for them.

'Shukran An. I believe Allah has brought you to me and in the future, my family will be better,' she said to me during the last visit.

Her son, Ali Said, is a bright young boy who has just graduated from Primary School. He did well but he was in a Islamic Charity School and did not meet the cut-off point to enter its sister Secondary School. Because of all the weight that Mama M has on her shoulders, I offered to help relieve some of the responsibility by agreeing to see that Ali is going to finish his Secondary Education.On Monday, he is starting his Form 1 education at the provincial school. Flamingo Secondary School. The principal is now my good friend, and she is happy to inform me of his progress when I go home.

Ali is also a very soft spoken boy who rarely smiles. But on the day that we settled his schooling, he showed hints of smiles here and there and when we parted he smiled and said thank you, promising me that he would do his best in school.

He wants to be a doctor in the future and he plays football as the striker of the team. All that I hope for him is to give him some hope of a brighter future. Nothing feels worse as a parent, than not being able to provide for your kids. And with only 1 of the 8 who managed to finish secondary school, I hope Ali would change the future of his family.

Ali has 4 more years until he graduates, so we collectively, should do our best to raise RM 1500 or GBP 300 for him. InsyaAllah, all will be well for this family in the future. For those who have been through loosing a partner or a father, you would know how hard it is, so it is our duty to help those in need. My prayers are always with them.

They are FEARLESS.

'If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.'

-Derek Bok

If you are willing to help Mama M and Ali, please contact me at : ayne611@hotmail.com

Project Fearless : Beatrice

2011-01-29T04:40:00.002-08:00

I call her Mrs Loud because she talks all the time! But thats why I like her. Because shes loud, proud and speaks her mind! Beatrice Nabwile Juma was born on the 18th of December 1992. Although very rare in Kenya, Beatrice thankfully, still has both of her parents. Her father, Charles Jumo, has gone to Western Kenya to find work due to the fact that in Nakuru, the jobs are very limited. Her mother, Evaline Obeyia, works in the shamba (garden) of other people to earn some but very little income. Though being one of 5 children, she lives in Nakuru with only her mother and younger brother of 9 years.

She was in Upperhill Secondary School but had to stop early this year because of school fees. She spent her time helping her mother, working at the shamba. But as soon as I met her, she had a spark about her. She dreams of becoming a doctor someday and her favourite subjects are all the science subjects. When we were shopping for her new supplies for school, she couldnt contain her happiness. Smiling from ear to ear, I was showered with 'Thank you!' and 'God bless you!'. She was baffled why a total stranger was reaching out and helping her but she didnt complain, because she knew that she was the lucky few who had this opportunity. In a way, she understood that this was a God's blessing. 'I cant wait until my friends see me in my new uniform and see me back in school! You made me so happy. So happy,' she said when we were about to part.

She promised me an A for her GCSE equivalent, and that is what I expect from her.

She has 3 more years till she finishes high school and to make that happen, we have to raise RM 1200 OR GBP 240. With God's blessings, I believe that this would happen.

May God see her through her endeavours.

Beatrice is FEARLESS.

'If you educate a boy, you educate an individual. If you educate a girl, you educate a whole community.'

- Greg Mortenson, Three Cups of Tea

If you want to help Beatrice, please contact me at : ayne611@hotmail.com

Project Fearless : Caro

2011-01-29T04:40:00.001-08:00

One of the first that I agreed to help, Caro is a petite young girl who has big dreams of becoming a journalist one day. Real name, Robai Sindari, she was born on 5th of May 1995. As a primary school student, she did excel, getting a place in a district school known as Upperhill Secondary School. Last year, when she was Form 2, her mother became very ill. So as any other daughter would do, she got out of school to help take care of her mother in the hospital. Her mother was suffering from liver cancer. But after a few months of fighting it off, her mother eventually lost her battle with cancer, and passed away in the end of the year 2010.

Her father, Thomas Mugwabwa, was left with their 5 children. He now makes and sells roasted peanuts to support his 4 girls and 1 son. When I visited Caro's home for the first time, her father was in the room, with his large pan, flipping peanuts while Caro was gathering the peanuts in a plastic bag and sealing it with a candle. The father was very nice, even offering me a bag of peanuts free of charge. It was then that I chose to help Caro and her family.

Caro also had her few shares of hardship. She was beaten up by a gang of men who insisted money from them. And when she said they didnt have any, she was beaten up. But she never lost hope.

She is now back in school with a set of new uniform, working very hard. She too wrote me a long handwritten letter :

'Dear Ann,

Many thanks for the new school uniform. I enjoyed every moment of it. It was such a nice way to start the school and the year of 2011. Even you have made me to differentiate two things about friendship and that is a friend, is not one who pressures me but one who helps me, advise me and wishes the best for me. God bless you so much and I wish that you stay on Earth for a long time to aid other children who are not capable. You have done something important in my life, and I dont know even what to give you, but only to say, thank you.'

She enjoys playing netball, playing as the teams goalkeeper, which I thought was strange because of her very petite stature. Her favourite subject is of course, English, because one day, she is determined to become a journalist and travel the world. I pray for her every success, because she deserves it, for she is FEARLESS.

Robai Sindari

To support her for another 2 years wo she could finish high school, we need to raise RM 1200 or GBP 240. Only then will she bring herself and her family out of poverty, InsyaAllah.

'Education is the key isuue for overcoming poverty, for overcoming war, if people are educated, then women will not be abused or tortured. They will also stand up and say 'My child should not be married so young!''

- quoted form the book : Half the Sky

To help Caro, contact me at : ayne611@hotmail.com

Project Fearless : Brian

2011-01-29T04:40:00.000-08:00

Brian Malenga. At first glance, or at first introduction, you will not notice him as much because he is a very shy and quiet young man. When I first met him and he introduced himself, I didnt even catch his name because he was so soft spoken (which is rare in a predominantly male and testosterone infected country of Kenya). Right then, I thought to myself, 'He is different.'

Born in October of 1993, he is currently in Nakuru by himself while the rest of his family is in Western Kenya. His mother, working as a housegirl to a Sudanese family, she sent Brian to Nakuru to get an education. He was living with Kevin, his guardian in Nakuru, then suddenly, sometime last year, Kevin told him to stop schooling and work for him. So since the beginning of this year, he was out of school but his hopes on becoming a teacher was still strong. His dad divorced his mother a long time ago, and since then, he has never seen his father. In Kenya, if you are divorced, particularly a woman divorcee, you are kind off shunned because people would think 'What is wrong with you?' without even looking twice at the husband who might be at fault. And after Brian's mother bore him 5 children, he packed up and left.

Brian is very bright. Averagely more bright than a typical Kenyan student. I met up with the principal of his school and she said, 'On behalf of him, I want to thank you, Ann. Because it would have been a shame and disappointment if he had to leave school just because of school fees. He is a very bright student.' That made me happy. Brian forte is definitely football. Every chance he gets, he would play it and watch it. His plays as a goalkeeper and his favourite football club is none other than Manchester United.

So far, we've managed to buy him a set of new school uniform, shoes, bag and calculator. And now he is back in school, finishing his first term in Moi Seconday School as a Form 2 student. I went shopping for his school uniform personally, and my favourite 'Brian' moment was when we just finished paying his school fees and got him a new white shirt for school. We were crossing the road, and Brian looked at me and in his usual 'hush hush' kind of voice, he said 'God bless you'.

I believe in Brian and if you share the same thoughts as me, to see him through up to Form 4, RM 1300 or GBP 260 has to be raised. Any amount of donations will be so helpful to him. So on behalf of Brian, God bless you.

Brian is FEARLESS

If you want to help Brian, please contact me at : ayne611@hotmail.com

Project Fearless : Matty

2011-01-29T04:39:00.001-08:00

'ANNN!! COME IN!!' is her greeting to me everytime I visit her house. Shes ever ready with a cup of chai (tea) or a bowl of banana stew for me. Because not feeding your guest up to her brim, is a sin in Kenya. A lady with very round eyes, she just gave birth to her first baby with husband, Algias. Also with big round eyes, just like his mother, he is joyful baby with the name of Mark Gayyas.

Mediatricks Nabwile Wafula was born on the 28th of December 1980. Originally from Bungoma, Western Kenya, she has 2 sisters and 1 brother. Her mom passed away when she was a baby and her dad passed away when she was a teenager of cancer. She managed to finish high school then as a means to an end, she learned how to sew from a Sudanese lady.

Algias Kasembeli

Algias and Matty have been married for 2 years now and they are also taking care of Algias' niece, Barbara. Barbara's real father died of AIDS. Algias is a barber with his own barber shop which brings home an income of about KES4000 (RM 160) a month and Matty helps by making bed spreads, seat covers and table cloths by hand. Each set she'll sell for KES 2000 (RM 80) but the problem is that it takes her over 3 weeks to make since she is sewing everything by hand.

Barbara

After hearing her story and being her friend for around 4 months now, I made it a point to help her and her family. So using the same money from my parents donations, I decided to send her to sewing classes for 3 months (RM 100 a month). This is so she could learn how to use a sewing machine and make higher end bed spreads so she and her family could earn more money. So instead of 3 weeks, she could make the set in 3 days, opening more doors for more orders and more income. Also KES 2000 (RM 80) was given to her as a micro-loan to buy some materials in order for her to start learning.

Algias and his family helps alot of local people. When people come up to them for help, they rarely say no. So if his family is more financially stable, he and his family could help more people in the community. Because the best help of course, comes from within the community. May God bless them all.

Matty is FEARLESS

'You must be the change you wish to see in the world'

-Mahatma Gandhi

To help more Mamas like Matty, contact me at : ayne611@hotmail.com

Project Fearless : Mika (Absolutely false story since the discovery of his lies on the 17th Feb 2011)

2011-01-29T04:39:00.000-08:00

I know that parents should not choose favourites from children but for me, Mika is top on my list just because he is one of the nicest and most humble guy Ive met since Ive been here. His real name is Elly Abuya and he is turning 18 this year. Its a shame that I havent a picture of him because he does look like a real gentleman despite of all the hardships that he has been through.

He is not originally from Nakuru, he was brought up somewhere in the rural parts of Kenya. When the violence built up and caused an uproar amongst the local people, he lost both of his parents when he was in primary school at the time. He was then forced to stay with his grandmother. After a few months, his grandma said to him, 'You should not go to school anymore. You should work in the shamba (garden) with me to earn money.'

School is a sanctuary for him and he was devastated. 'School is the only way to get a better future,' he tells me. So he made a bold move. He ran away from home, hopped on the next bus to Nakuru to escape his grandmother's wishes. He didnt have a plan when he arrived. So for a week or so, he did what every other runaway did, he begged on the streets. 'I asked people for 10 bob (about RM0.25) to buy some bread and water and sometimes they do help me and gave me some spare change. He was like this for 1 week. He was only 13 at the time.

Luckily, he met Algias one day, still asking for spare change. Algias asked him where he was from and where he was staying at the moment. After hearing his story, he offered Mika to stay at his Kinyozi (barber shop) temporarily, in a spare space at the back which Ive visited, and it is quite tight, dusty and no where near fit for a dog in some countries, let alone a human being. But at least its better than Mika being on the streets. After some time, Algias grew attached to Mika and took him in, feading him, clothing him and sending him to secondary school. But as Algias does not earn much as a barber, his debt in Mika's Secondary School grew to large to bear so I decided to take him in, and see him through until he finishes his education.

He is a very bright boy, with big dreams of becoming a pilot. I even met up with the principal of his school, and she said 'Thank God that you are helping him! Because he is a very good student and it will be a shame if he doesnt finish his education.' On our chats with one another, I see a spark in him. He is always smiling and he never fails to work hard. He walks 2 hours to school everyday because his school is a far way away from Algias' kinyozi. But he puts up with the pain of it all because he wants to learn. Truly, I am very inspired by him.

As of now, with the donations from myself and my parents, Ive managed to get him a new set of school uniform, shoes, bag and calculator and he is now back in school, finishing his first tern in Form 3. Since I am not going to use my bicycle after this trip, the bicycle would then go to him so that his 2 hour journey could be cut short to 30 minutes.

After school reopened, he reported to school in a new uniform and a new found confidence. He wrote me a lengthy letter too and snippets of it sound like this :

'It has been an honour, blessing and great pleasure to have you as my sponsor. As you already know, I come from a poor background. However, God has answered my lifelong prayer. With my great ambitions and ever hardworking nature, I am sure that my dream of becoming a pilot someday will become a reality. I am determined and inspired by the motivation I get from you. I am grateful that God brought you to me.You may not know how much you mean to me. Many other people suffer like me and that is why I have to work hard too, so that I can transform my life and theirs too. May God shower His blessings upon you. I am sure that one day I will be flying you; I the pilot and you the passenger. I cant wait for that day!'

I believe in him and if you, the reader, want to help him, please consider donating to this cause. To help him finish school, only RM600 or GBP 120 needs to be raised. With your help, I believe he can make it. Because to me, he is FEARLESS.

'If you see a drowning child in a river, do you jump in and help? Or do you shrug your shoulders and walk away?'
- Peter Singer

Contact me using my email : ayne611@hotmail.com

Authors note : Please note that this is the original story that I knew of, but since recent discoveries, all of this proves to be false and I have been lied to. Mika is no longer sponsored through this project. Read this.

Day 112 : Gasp! There are decent men in this town!

2011-01-23T03:32:00.000-08:00

I met three guys who were actually nice to me this week and I have to say, I ma pleasantly surprised because all the other men that I have met on my trip here are icky, weird and gross. I dont say that for all Kenyan men though, just the ones that pretend they know you on the streets and chat you up like 'You beautiful! I know you want to give me your number!'.

Like harassing us on the streets is a full proof plan of getting us to like you. If that plan worked on you, just one time, I would cut my head off on a chopping block because it is insane that in reality, the conversation should go like this :

Random man : Hey, you are so pretty.
Girl : Hey to you too.
Random man : (While stroking the girl's arm) Can I have your number so I can call you? You know you want to.
Girl : Sure. Heres my digits, call me whenever you want.

I think this 'dream' goes on in their heads because why else would you say stuff like that to a person you dont know? A real conversation would go something like this, for me that is, and I think I can represent all foreign girls living in this country.

Random man : How are you pretty lady? (Grabs your arm)
Girl : Dont touch me! ( Shakes his filthy hand off and takes out disinfectant Dettol cream)
Random man : You want to give me your number?
Girl : I dont know you. Shove off. Leave me alone. (Girl leaves)

Thats my typical day Im afraid, especially at the spots where I catch the matatu home. But as I said, Ive met decent men these past few days.

Exhibit A : My bicycle tyre burst on the way to school that day. And when I said burst, it actually made a 'BOOM!' sound and I skidded to the left of the road. So with one tyre totally deflated, I was forced to drag my heavy bicycle to the nearby bicycle repair shop in the dust and the heat. Yes, Im lucky like that. There, alot of fixer guys were crowding me and my bike to fight who gets to fix it. While the winner fixed it, the rest just made really bad jokes to me, expecting me to laugh and fall for them. But I was tired, hungry and pissed so I said, 'I know you think youre funny but you really arent. So please stop talking.' That made them laugh but it did work. They didnt spit unfunny jokes after that. And because of my bicycles terrible state, they advised me that I should replace the whole tyre for KES 500 but I made it clear that I didnt bring enough money. 'Dont ride it! You will just burst the tyre again!' they all shouted loads of times. And when I brought out my phone to text a teacher of the school that I couldnt make it, they all wanted my number. Douches, all of them. But the actual fixer of the bicycle came up to me after he finished fixing the bike, and said in a hush hush tone that I could ride it, no problem and he charged me only KES 10 despite all his effort on figuring whats wrong with the stupid heap of metal. I was thankful to him. See! Thats how men here should treat girls, with respect. Only then, will we think of coming back to this country.

Exhibit B : I went to the other bicycle shop nearer my house to ask them whether I had o replace the whole tyre or not. And they said no and that they only need to sew in a piece of leather on it. So I left them to it. But it took quite a long time so I sat there and chatted with this guy. I told him what happened in the other shop, and he apologised to me on behalf of all Kenyan men. He was amazed that I was from Malaysia so he asked alot of questions about that. So when it was my turn to ask the questions, I was also astonished at his life. He and his family used to be rich, rubbing shoulders with the then, Prime Minister of Kenya. Then, suddenly everything went badly when his dads business went bankrupt. Because of the stress of it all, his father collapsed after having a heart attack and never woke up after that. With his dad gone, the family was left with his piling debt. Now his mother is suffering with some sort of dementia because he said 'Everything is new for her'. So because of that, his mother only washes people clothes for a living. Being the only man in his family, he prioritises studies in school and works really hard at it while keeping up a small business of selling chickens to finance the family. He aims to get at least a B in his GCSE equivalent, and for Kenyan standards, that is high. I wish him nothing but the best. May God bless him and his family.

Exhibit C : On my way out of school after my first class my RM 100+ sandals bought by the Jabbals snapped which forced me to step and drag at the same time. So I went to see whether I could fix it nearby my house, asking this carpenter guy, who I always say hi to on my way down my hill, whether there is anyone that could fix my shoes. Quite an elderly man, he has a white beard and he wears the same grey canvas coat everyday. He searched for the shoe repairer but he wasnt there so he said 'Give me your shoe' So I did and he took it into his shop for 2 minutes. He reemerged with my shoe intact, held together with 2 nails imbedded into the sole.'Here you go. This can last you temporarily.' I thanked him and asked him how much I owe him for his troubles. 'Dont worry about it,' he said. Nice guy he is.

So yes, I no longer stereotype the normal Kenyan man but I will continue to be cautious unless they should prove me otherwise. :)

Day 99 : 2011

2011-01-10T04:17:00.000-08:00

Hello 2011!

I have loads in plan but I cant tell until it really happens so its still a secret for now. But lately, I have felt nothing but awesome. There were spurts of worry and helplessness, but that phase is through and Im happy. Just started school today and starting Wednesday, Im going o learn to teach Math from Teacher Beth Mwange. Hope all goes well but as of now, I really like lounging around reading books. And Im on my last available book! Since the nearest bookstore is Nairobi, I dont know how Ill survive. Guess Ill have to force myself to read this book really really really slowly.

My bicycle was oiled this morning so i was no that tough to cycle to school this morning but boy, is my lazy body out of shape! Need to exercise more. Thats my new years resolution. Ok toodaloo for now. Will update later on, promise!

Day 88 : Punjabis, saris and prathas

2010-12-30T11:51:00.000-08:00

Currently laying down on a comfy bed in Nairobi, I finally got to work this slow excuse for an internet connection at Uncle Zainol and Auntie Wati's house. Got into a shuttle to here on Christmas Eve, praying hard that the driver would drive slow and safely. Between the pot holes or racing car style of driving, I dont know what I hate more. But luckily, the driver was very careful and cautious. Might be due to the fact that there were 2 kids and a baby in the vehicle so thank God! I would rather get into a car with this guy than my host brother, Eric, who no offence intended, drives like a lunatic. Haha.

Met up with Amrita and Mr Jabbal at Sarit Centre. Amrita just got back from Malaysia for a 2 week holiday. FYI, the reason that I know them is pretty random. Amrita is my aunt's student at UCSI. So when I told my aunt that Im going to Kenya, she was like 'Oh, I have a student in Kenya. You can call up her parents if you have any problems.' So thats how the relationship started. However, not as random as Katie's predicament of meeting a random Kenyan lady at a White Companys Shop in Cambridge and ending up putting up at her place for 2 nights. Haha :) It goes to show, when you are in an unfamiliar territory, anyone goes. As long as they have a house. Haha. Even Mr Zainol, he is my uncle's staff's uncle. So yes, we are practically family! :)

Met up with Mrs Jabbal and Tipi later on and they seemed like a nice small family. They are quite religious Sikhs so I got to learn alot about their religion. Like they arent supposed to cut their hair. And they have to carry 5 things with them all the time which consists of a bracelet, a knife of somesort, their hair, special underwear and oh shit, Ive forgotten the last one.

Anyhow, Sikhism is a very spiritual religion. They pray through singing and meditate. The Jabbals were baptised and since then, they are vegetarians who dont eat eggs but drink milk. So in between vegetarians and vegans. The stay with them was very fun packed and exciting because I learned alot living in their house, meeting their friends and attending traditional functions. On Saturday there was a wedding to attend, but I didnt bring anything in particular to wear, except my African dress which was deemed inappropriate for a wedding in the Gudwara. So we went to the Little India of Nairobi and they actually bought me a new Punjabi blouse and new shoes to match because nothing matched my muddy Adidas shoes. Haha. That must have costed them like RM 200, and for a new comer, just meeting them for the first time, that was very generous of them. Since Im already wearing the headscarf, there was no need to buy me another one because to enter the meditation room, one has to cover ones head. So I was all set.

Woke up quite early to a shower and I put on my new clothes which was quite nice, if I do say so myself. Amrita and Mrs Jabbal took a longer time to get ready because apparently Sikh weddings dont happen very often, so when they do, people would dress head to toe in bling. Compared to my 5 minutes of preparation, that was nothing next to the one hour of make up and hair that they had to go through. But it was worth it because the end products were two ladies who could be extras in a Shah Rukh Khan film because they were so pretty! We even had a quick photo session in the garden. With my bindi on my forehead, I was ready for the wedding!

It was quite a long ceremony eventhough we were late. Sikhs believe that the ten gurus spirits are imbedded in their 11th and final guru, which is the holy scripture. Quite a large book, it was placed on a shrine and the bride and groom had to circle the shrine 4 times, each after a specific prayer, then they are officially married. I caught quite a bit of attention seeing that I was quite tall for womens standards and because I wore the headscarf fully pinned. But when the bride came in, all eyes were on her because she was elaborately dressed in red with alot of jewels everywhere. Just like watching a live bollywood film, it was exciting!

The next day was the reception which was held at night. All three of us wore black saris and Aunt Jabbal even put lipgloss and a bit of eye shadow on me! I remembered alot of dancing and the food was delicious. I even joined in the fun by dancing but their type of dancing was really foreign to me, and I bet I looked like a weirdo but did I care? No. :)

Did I mention that I was fed with alot of traditional Punjabi food? From bhajis, chapatis, to rice and prathas, it was a great escape from Kenyan food. This food has flavour and spices. My favourite was the prathas which was quite filling. Looks like a chapati but much much nicer with alot of taste, you eat it with yoghurt mixed with chili powder, salt and pepper. It was heaven.

Tuesday was dubbed Aynes day because I kinda splurged on a day at the spa using the nice Christmas present I received from the Jabbals. Had a full holistic body massagewith my own trained therapist. This spa was posh, they even gave me bathrobs, slippers and my own private room outside. The massage lasted for an hour then my therapist led me to their relaxation room where I got to lay on my own bed, nice music to set the mood and compimentary water, pineapple and watermelon to soothe my newly rejuvenated body. Never have I felt so pampered! Im definitely going back there before I leave Kenya.
Then I hopped straight to a nearby shopping mall to finally watch Harry Potter and it was bloody brilliant! Enough said. Retired with a croissant at the local cafe while finishing reading my book 'Three Cups of Tea". Whoever who hasnt read that book, should. I recommend it highly.

Tomorrow Im going to celebrate New Years Eve at a club that Uncle Alvin owns. Going with Uncle Zainol and Auntie Wati just to check out the scene with my Alias name, Nancy. That name has been quite useful throughout my stay here. Haha. Apparently one of the most poplar clubs in Nairobi, I would like to see how it is. So Happy New Year people! Dont forget to make you resolutions!

And break them later! :)

God bless! xxx

Day 81 : Only idiots stare at goats

2010-12-22T01:16:00.000-08:00

So Monday was a very interesting day. You know how people put luggages and food at the back of the car? Well, in Kenya, you take your van, fold your back seats to make room for, wait for it...... 5 freaking GOATS! Yes, you heard me. Goats, the bleating kind.

Earlier that day, Helen was like, "Yes, so we are going to buy goats from Naivasha and put them in the back of my van. Do you want to come with?"

Obviously, who says no to being in the same vehicle as goats right? So I did hop on the chance to go. But throughout the journey, I was very skeptical on how this is going to work. Yes, they have folded the chairs. Are the goats going to stand while the car is moving? They would definitely head ram me because they have horns the size of huge pineapples. Imagine being hit on the head with a pineapple, not a pretty sight.

So when we arrived, to Carolyns distress, their legs were tied up with rope and put into sacks with their head popping out of the end. It was very peculiar. Then they loaded them into the back of the van, all 5 of them, 4 females and 1 male. Then, it was my turn to be distressed. The goats were not comfortable at all so they kept on squirming and jumping up and down despite having their legs tied together. Bleating 4 legged mess it was so I was screaming most of the 2 hour journey to Nyaharuru. It wasnt my fault, it was absolutely theirs because they kept leaping up and ramming their horns on our seats. Scary stuff. After an hour, my heart rate came back to normal because the excitement wore down. But I still held on to the front seat really tight to be the furthest I could be from the goats as humanly possible because one of them was poking its head and ugly tongue in between our seats. URGH! I think it was more disgust than fear because they were also doing their business in the van and luckily, the sack that contained them ripped, so the foul smell of shit was lingering in the van.

"Oh now, their peeing on their shit!" Carolyn shouted. Nicely spotted.

So yes, I now can vaguely conclude that to be Kenyan, is to not love their vehicles of transport that much because NO WAY, in any circumstances will I let goats pee and poop in my lovely car. Disgusting. The van would smell like goat for the next month.

At least I could say that I survived the horrifying ordeal. I wonder whats next is in store for me?

In other news, I got religiously slandered yesterday by two Kenyans whom I thought were my friends. There was apparently a bomb exploding in Nairobi on Monday and they blamed and pointed the finger at me and 'your people'.
'They killed 9 people! These Muslim people, they make me so angry that one day I just might kill!"
I was there, defending myself by saying "Yes, I feel angry too. They totally messed up what Islam is about."
And then he goes "No no. They are Muslim and they are your people!"
Then, this girl was like "In Malaysia, Muslims are forcing Christians to convert!"
Then he goes "You see!"
Then he walked off.

5 minutes later he comes back and apologises for he didnt mean to make me feel bad. YOU PURPOSELY CORNERED ME YOU DOUCHEBAG! It took me everything to not burst into tears at that very point. But I managed to contain myself to say to his face "It is like if one black person committed a murder. Does that mean that all black people are dangerous?"

I left earlier that usual that day because the atmosphere was too tense. After talking through it with my mom, I felt alot better about the situation and I realise that there are people like that in the world, so I should never take it too personally, because it will eat me inside. He is an immature prat. Thats all to it.
And for the record, the bomb was because this Somalian disagreed with the Ugandan government and had nothing to do with Islam. And also, it killed one person, not nine. And the bus driver, one of the victims, was a Muslim. So if you want to spit in my face, get the right facts first.

Day 74 : I miss glee!

2010-12-15T23:58:00.000-08:00

Oh god Ive been listening to all the latest glee songs on youtube, and I MISS IT SO MUCH! The only downsides of Kenya are creepy men and no glee :(

But I shall live. Marathon with the sister when I get back, hopefully she remembers to download all the episodes or else Ill have to kill someone. Haha.

And when I said that its on with the DVDs, I was pretty serious. I havent been out of the house for the past few days. On Tuesday I was sick so I had no choice. And Wednesday, the girls and I planned on having a 'snowed in' day where we just curl up on the couches and watch DVDs. Unfortunately, the electricity people hates us because there were like 10 power cuts that day so everytime there was electricity, we would continue watching Sex and the City 2 for the next 2 minutes, before it went out again. We started the movie at 1 pm and ended the movie at 6 pm, just so that you could picture my frustration throughout the day. But we eventually did finish the movie and I love that movie just because of the clothes. One day, I would like to wear fancy dresses and coco chanel too. Watching it made me a tad girly-er too because after the absence of it for almost 3 months, I am wearing a skirt in Kenya for the first time! Oh how Ive missed you.

After this he girls are treating ourselves to pizza at Taidys because its Sara's birthday. Tomorrow another birhday party at Jamii! And Ill wear my African dress for the first time! Cant wait! x

Day 71 : Trip around kenya comes to a halt. For now.

2010-12-13T02:58:00.000-08:00

After Kinagop. Nairobi. Masai Mara. Kisumu. Nyeri and Nanyuki, I am firmly placing my ass in Nakuru for the next few weeks because travelling is TIRING! Bumpy roads and crazy driving could be enough to give me an early heart attack! Haha.

However, stress aside. I had lots of fun travelling, seeing new things and meeting new people. In Nairobi, I was overfed by the ambassador's family with good homestyle Malaysian food. All that I can remember was alot of fried rice and sleeping on a comfy bed. Being driven around Nairobi like I was someone important was fun too. Met up with the 10 Malaysians in Kenya for Hari Raya Haji where we feasted on Nasi Briyani! I would like to say that I helped out in cooking the rendang, but I just sat there watching uncle cook it while we talked about the UN and diplomatic matters. Actually, diplomacy sounds very interesting but I dont think I would have the patience for it. So most of my time in Nairobi was spent shopping, eating in cafes and more shopping with Auntie because they had the best Kenyan markets. They were huge and had had alot of variety. I bought myself an african dress which I plan to wear this Friday for Sara's birthday party at Jamii. Auntie and I went to one of this Christmas Carnivals where oddly enough, you cannot see one African person at all. Everyone who attended and manned the stalls were either very pale or quite tanned. Even the people handing out drinks were 4 really buff Caucasian men, the ones that you would normally see manning bars in London. Everything sold there was so expensive that I was cautious on touching or stepping on the items sold. It was shiny, glamorous and awkward, for my part, because I am a penniless backpacker. But who am I to complain? (:

A few days after Nairobi, Joelle and I were off to Masai Mara. The infamous safari drive which was located around 6 hours away from Nakuru. The last 2 hours of the journey was pure hell because the roads were SO SO SO SO SO BAD! Good thing I had a small lunch because I would have definitely thrown up if I hadnt. It was like an unwelcomed and unwanted roller coaster ride. Met up with the other person which made up our group of three, Alex from India who works in Congo for the UN. A soldier, he works in peace keeping which is a shiny, honey-glazed term for shooting people i the head before they shoot you. 'But its quite fun!' Alex would say. I trust your judgement, Alex. So basically, we were in the tented camps for 3 days 2 nights and we went for 3 game drives. We saw everything except for a rhino which was a tad disappointing but we did see a leopard! Since some people still havent spotted on even after 10 trips to the Masai Mara, we were damn lucky to see it at our first go. It was sleepily hiding under a tree. With like 10 different safari jeeps surrounding it. Throughout the stay, Ive met a few really interesting people from different backgrounds. Some from Australia, Singapore and India. There were alot of Koreans too, but they were a tad antisocial. The woman from Australia was a pleasure to talk to, and she even gave us advice!

'If I could advice my 19 year old self now, I would say, never care what people think of you, because they dont give a rats ass. And invest in property early!'

I would do my best to follow your advice. Clement from Singapore went 'Malaysia Boleh!' when I said I was Malaysian. Nice to see and hear familiar faces and voices. He was very proud of being given a lions tooth from the Masai chief on his visit to the Masai Village. We didnt have the heart to tell him that it was a scam and that tooth might be made out of plastic. On our visit they tried to do the same by saying 'When we reach manhood, we are supposed to slaughter a lion and we keep the teeth. Would you like to buy one?' Haha. The Masai Village was a bit too full on for me because there was cow dung everywhere. Even their houses, which were dark as night in them even in the morning, was made out of dried cow dung. 'Kepp an open mind, Ayne' went through my mind but all I really wanted to do was run away from the poop stricken village and clean all my clothes. But overall, it was an interesting experience.

pretty clouds

migration

leopard in the tree

the gang with ranger -Boneface

Masai local school

that was quite heavy.

Kisumu was great because it was thrilling going on motorcycle and bicycle taxis which are individually called 'piki piki' and buda buda'. We visited the 2nd largest fresh water lake in the world, Lake Victoria. It was amazing because the blue from the water seemed to stretch out into the sky. Hippos in the water which was invisible until they poked their head out of the water every few minutes scared Jonas yet the men fishing near the hippo area seemed unaffected by the danger that were hippos. They kill more people than any other animal. Carolyn and I went around town and watched Charlie St Cloud in a huge empty cinema. Just the 2 of us and Zac Efron, what could be better? Haha.

Kisii house

What did I tell you? Stunning.

Just got back yesterday from Nyeri and Nanyuki. Nyeri is Helen's (host mother) hometown so we stayed in a traditional mud hut and we had to do our business in the bushes. Which surprisingly, I didnt mind it. Located int he middle of the forest somewhere, the cluster of houses all belonged to Helen's family. With goats, cows and alot of coffee plants it was like a nice escape from the city. Host brother, Eric brought us to the village pub to meet some of the locals and boy, did we get alot of attention! Apparently, this man said that throughout his life, he has never seen a while person in this part of the village before so he was very proud. A very drunk John was chatting to all of us quite annoyingly saying 'Welcome to Kenya!' a whole lot. So to him and all the other people in the pub that night, I am Nancy from Italy and I am seriously engaged. That didnt stop them from trying though. It was fun making fun of the drunk people eventhough it sounds a little mean.(:
Nanyuki was where we could see Mt Kenya. You could see it really clearly because surrounding it was just flat land. No forests or other hills whatsoever. So there it stands, in all its glory. Quite beautiful.

My adopted african family

'The world is my urinal' -ERIC

So there ends my roadtrip around Kenya till February when Katie and I would travel around the coast. Namely Mombasa, Malindi and Lamu Island. Should be interesting. But as of now, I am really content with my duvets and dvds at home.Till next time! x

Day 60 : Birthday weekend

2010-12-05T02:56:00.000-08:00

This is my 161st post! It is kind of late but the last time I was in the cybercafe, I spent 3 hours uploading the photos on facebook. Too long for my poor eyes, staring at the white screen. So here I am, almost a month after, jotting down what actually happened when I turned 19.

Friday 5th November 2010

Went and biked really early in the morning. Well relatively because it was around 9.30 am when I left the house. Strapped the 19 packets of spaghetti that I got the day before to the back of my bike with the semi-frozen chicken I got for Aljas. It didnt take long for the whole plastic bag of food to fall off my bike and hit the muddy ground but all was good, because they were all sealed with sturdy plastic. Had to improvise strapping the food onto my bike using my bicycle lock strap thing then, off I was to the orphanage.

On the way, I stopped over at Aljas' to drop off the chicken which Matty promised to cook for me for my birthday feast. First chicken dish since Kenya so I was uber excited. Cycled off to the orphanage and took my friends, Ocholla and Hilary to Tuskys (Kenya's equivalent to Tescos) to get more stuff in preparation for the party. Left Tuskys with two plastic bags filled with food and a cake. We got 2 big boxes of shortcake cookies, 4 big tins of tomato paste, oil, onions, juice and popcorn. All fit to feed around 50 people. My birthday cake which I picked out was a pink butter cake with my name rather weakly etched under the 'Happy Birthday'. Had to get the cramped matatu back to the orphanage so half of my energy was used up trying not to fall on the cake whilst on the moving vehicle.

Arrived at the orphanage and put down the food and they said 'Ann! We have a surprise for you in the hall!'. So I went, and they had decorated the hall! Signs saying 'Happy Birthday Ayne!' were up on the walls. So pretty and I was so touched. They had even set up the speakers so that the songs on my ipod could be played really loudly so the atmosphere in the hall would be like a mini club. Bless them for making the effort. After that it was a world wind of events really. I vaguely remember alot of shouting, cheering and dancing. You have not seen dancing till youve seen Africans dance. Boy were they naturally good! Puts other dancers to shame. Hahha.

The main event was when the MC of the ceremony started talking on the microphone asking who the birthday girl was so I shyly, raised my hand. Enthusiastic kids surrounded the table with the cake on it and the MC continued asking me alot of questions like where I came from and what my age is. During this, the kids suddenly and weirdly left the hall and went outside. I was too busy bombarded by questions to really notice. But they soon came back, with glitter on their faces, each holding a candle. There were 19 of them. They circled around the table, clasping their candles tightly with big smiles on their faces. I WANTED TO CRY! It was so touching!! Then, they started singing Happy Birthday Kenyan Style which involved dancing, then the normal English style which blurred in comparison. Haha. I ran around the table blowing each of my candles out while they cheered and clapped their hands. It was utter chaos! There was pin drop silence after and they all stared intensively as I cut the cake. Right after the knife went through the moist butter layer, they each got hold of a balloon and popped it. Energy just resonated from each individual that even if you are clinically depressed, you just cant help but feel happy.

Its a Kenyan tradition for the birthday girl to feed cake to her guests so I had a plate of cake slices in one hand, a fork in the other and I went through the 50 people, feeding them cake. It was tough because they were running around and dancing a whole lot but I managed (: The DJ cranked up the music and then there was the card giving ceremony where the older boys each gave me one hand made card. It was sort of like a prize giving ceremony because they shook my hand and gave me the card while the guy with my camera, would snap individual photos of each card giver with me. It was funny but I loved the cards. Later on my bed, I opened them and they were so beautiful. Took me a good hour to finish opening all the cards I got. All unique in their own way.

We ended the ceremony with holding hands and standing in a circle in prayer. Mary Ann, the owner of Jamii, lead the prayer, thanking God for my life and praying that I would be a strong and healthy individual in the future. 'We thank you, God, for bringing Ayne to Jamii and we pray that one day in the future, she'll come back and visit us again' was what I remembered most. Although they were praying through Jesus, it was a thoughtful gesture although Kieran later said 'They might have wanted to mention Allah somewhere too?' Hahaha.

Ended the day at Aljas' house where a homecooked birthday dinner was ready for me and Carolyn. As a birthday present, Aljas gave me a Kenyan bracelet with my name on it. We had loads to eat, namely chicken, chapati, banan rice and alot of stew. A feast fit for a king!

Walked home after absolutely beaming with happiness and thinking, 'Did that just happen?'. I dont know how I got to be so blessed, but that day will go down in history as one of the best days of my life. Truly, I felt like the luckiest girl in the world. Thank you Allah for the great company on my birthday, for they went above and beyond to make me feel so so so special. I AM 19 AND LOVING IT!

Day 32 : Birthday plans and other plans

2010-11-04T03:42:00.000-07:00

Hello November!

This week has been quite a whirl wind. Mainly because the weekend was so full on that I didnt have time to take a breather. So on Monday, Helen's girls had one day at home watching Friends on DVD and Disney cartoons the whole day through. Saturday was used up because we went swimming at a hotel on a very steep hill. I didnt swim but they did. And at the end of the day, they roasted under the sun and came out like piglets because they were so pink! Haha. Thank God for my brown skin, I will never feel what sunburn feels like, thankfully.
On Sunday we went to an orphanage founded and managed by this American couple. They were the stereotypical American couple, the kinds that you see on television. Molly, is slim and very well groomed and Joseph, is a very well built man, muscles everywhere! Haha. But they were the sweetest. They took us around the orphanage that resembled a hotel and we were introduced to the 25 kids that reside in the orphanage. Molly and Joseph knew all their names and history by heart. Most of the kids were HIV positive so extra care is taken if one of them falls sick.

They were well fed, well dressed and they even have their own private playground in their back yard! Compared to Jamii, the orphanage that I always go to, this seems like paradise. Molly and Joseph's vision for this orphanage is to pull each one of them out of poverty completely because their past stories, if you hear them, would make you shudder. Anything from abuse to being sodomised by their uncle, everything bad in this world has happened to these kids and its only with Gods grace, that they are here now, bigger, healthier and happier. One day, they will be the future of Kenya, so now they are being groomed to be them starting from now. Joseph says hat he has high hopes for all of them because all of them are naturally brilliant or athletic in their own way. Ill pray for them. All of them. And InsyaAllah, one day I could do the same. I would like to open a children's home one day, but for now, Im looking into putting some of the older orphans into school again. They cant afford it because of he school fees, so Ill see what I can do. As of now, it is still all in the planning phase, but when it does happen, Ill let you know.

Saturday is my birthday. I am turning 19! Kumina tisah is Swahili. On Friday, Im having 2 pre-birhday celebrations. One at Jamii Orphanage, we are cooking spaghetti and we are having cake, cookies and sweets. That would be a major treat for the kids! The second celebration would be at Aljas' house, where his wife, Maty is cooking me chicken and apparently, according to Aljas, she makes stellar chicken dishes. So, Ill tell you how it goes but Im so excited!

On my real birthday, the 8 of us are going o Kinagog to meet Kenyan dad, Karanja's parents. Kinagog is sort of in the woods and apparently were living in mud huts! So that would be exciting! So thats my birthday celebration this year, Kenyan style. Will tell you how it goes later! x

Day 27 - Excitement ahead!

2010-10-30T06:55:00.000-07:00

I cant believe that I have spent almost a month here! It is coming to the end of my 4th week and time has gone by so quickly. I can categorise myself as a proper brown Kenyan if I may because for one, I know most of the hot spots in Nakuru. Secondly, I am almost pro at the using the matatu. I speak quite a bit (kidogo) of Swahili and I am taking a small liking, but a liking nevertheless, to Kenyan food! Damn I love this place.

So I fixed my bike the other day with the help of my very good friend, Aljas. Now, cycling is that much more fun, and that much less tiring. Going uphill and over pot holes in Kenya is not much fun but with my new improved bike, I can say that I dont feel like collapsing everytime I reach the house from the orphanage! Major improvement!

Learned how to make chapatis the other day with Aljas' wife, Mati. It is quite some work but it was so worth it because it was so soft and tasty! Katie and I are expert chapati makers now and we are proud of it! Aljas is my friend whom I got the pleasure of knowing through Carolyn, my housemate. He is a very good person and he has a wonderful family. He works as a barber and has his own Kinyozi (barber shop). He is a man with an open heart and always invites us to lunch or tea whenever we past his house enroute to the orphanage. A typical day would be involving me huffing and puffing on my bike on this straight yet bumpy road. Then, Aljas, sitting at the bike shop, having a break from his work, would shout 'HI ANN! How are you?'. I will stop cycling and he would take me to say hi to his wife, who is busy taking care of their 3 month old son, Aljas. We will have tea together, catching up on whats new eventhough Ive just met them yesterday. Their daughter, Barbara, made me a bracelet using string and beads. She is such a gem. And baby Mark, is the cutest thing ever! He has the biggest eyes, just like his mother and he is happy most of the time except when he is hungry for milk. The first time that I was left alone with him, Mati was outside washing pots, Mark laughed! The most adorable baby laugh, like the ones people put as their ringtones kind of laugh! I cant wait to see him grow up to be a little boy. Bless him and his family.

Aljas once showed me his record books because I asked him how many customers he have a day. And to my surprise, he makes anywhere from 50p to 2.00 pounds a day (that is less than RM 10 per day every day) and he has a family to support. Barbara is his niece because both his siblings died of AIDS and he supports another orphan whom he has no blood relation to. He lets him sleep in his barber shop and invites him over to his house for food everyday. I ask him whether its enough to support his family. And he says 'Yes, just about.' Yet, despite not having alot, he still has the heart to invite us to eat his food and spend time with his family. He opens his home saying that 'Whenever, you can come and stay in my house' although his house at the moment, is crammed. He calls us too once in a while to check how we are because in Kenya, he is our brother and he will protect us. Thats the thing with Aljas. Whatever he has, he is willing to give even though a little, because he believes that if he does good to others, he will receive good too.

This is why I love travelling to new places. Its not so much the places I go or the animals Ive seen. It is more the people I meet and learning about the lives they go through because ultimately, nothing beats a good friend.

Day 23 - Kenyan facts

2010-10-26T04:01:00.000-07:00

How do you fit a 16 people matatu with 25 people? Sounds impossible? Kenyans however would follow the Nike catch phrase "Yes, I can'. With about 5 people in each row, you would have to hold your breath some times because some never took a shower. Haha. Despite that, it is still the main public transport here. They dont have proper stops like a bus in England or Malaysia. If you wish to stop right in front of your house, you can. You just have to knock the side of the van with your knuckles twice, signalling that you are ready to get off the vehicle. Simple yet effective. Haha.

To think of it, Kenyans do apply of 'Yes, We Can' in their daily lives. I was riding a tuk tuk, like the ones in Thailand, earlier to get to the orphanage from town. The road to the orphanage is filled with pot holes so it the ride was super bumpy. It felt like I was on an unwanted roller coaster. Like any other Kenyan vehicle, there weren't any seatbelts, so the inertia of the ride could have given me a bruise on my head due to the impact of the seat, pushing my whole body towards the roof of the tuk tuk. Good thing that didnt happen though. Half way down the journey, I wanted to throw up my breakfast so I asked the guy to stop and I was more than willing to bike the rest of the way. But the guy was so optimistic that the tuk tuk would be able to live the journey so I had to persuade him that the I foresee the tuk tuk just collapsing halfway like a man with a heart attack. So I got off, paid him and cycled the rest of the way which was way faster. So yes, he believes he can!

Started getting used to teaching at Kagoto. One can never get used to the screams and the cheers when you enter the class though. Its very nice to be welcomed like that and boy, are they enthusiastic! Everyone wants to answer the question, everyone wants to read the passage, everyone is willing to use his sweater to rub the board because they dont have dusters. It warms my heart. At first when I started, I keep feeling like 'What am I doing? Im no teacher!'. But Ive adopted the 'Yes, I can' attitude from the locals and pushed through it. What can I say? They are just growing on me. Today, we did past tense and present tense, looking for examples from a passage in the text book. There were like 10 textbooks for 64 students, so you can imagine the competition to look at one was intense.

The school that I teach at is a sort of 'rural' school so the students are normally not from well-to-do backgrounds. Most, if not all, come with torn up uniforms and old shoes. The exercise books they bring are old and dusty and some of them have nothing to write with. Despite that, they still are eager to learn. With their favourite subject being PE, because thats when they could play with a broken ball made out of string and newspaper. Bless them all.

We had a dancing session at the orphanage yesterday because the older boys managed to plug in my ipod into their speakers. Boy, do the kids have moves! I should definitely video tape it and show you one day. They were adorable! After that, Katie and I cycled through slight rain back home, and when I felt like my legs had to fall off, we took a matatu to town to celebrate Kat's birthday at this vegetarian Indian restaurant. Surprised to see a vegetarian restaurant in general, because Kenyans have a hard time to understand vegetarianism. 'You dont even eat chicken? What about fish?' are the common replies the veggies get. Haha. But the food was so good! Spicy and delicious! They even had like a bakery counter right next to the eating area, so I kept eying the cakes at the far corner. In the end, Katie and I bought two slices of cake, one of each flavour and shared. The pieces are huge considering that it was just 50p per slice. At the end of the day, Ayne was a very happy girl, dizzily high on too much food. It was a good day. (:

Day 16 - Things that make life amazing

2010-10-19T06:39:00.000-07:00

OMG I just taught my first English class! And it was unsupervised! And Im no teacher!

Glad enough, the kids were all enthusiastic and excited to notice my lack of teaching skills. I made them write things about themselves on a piece of paper and read it out loud to the class which they were more than happy to do. Apparently, my class is filled with future doctors, pilots and drivers. Only one wanted to be an engineer so I guess that profession is really unpopular. Then, we did a bit of spelling and by then the 30 minute class was up. I had no lesson plan so it was all cold turkey. After that, the kids took me to the field to play one of their games just before the teachers meeting. I sat at the teachers lounge for 2 hours as they discussed exam results and in all seriousness, if 50% is good, then they did very badly overall. I dont think any student got an A in all 8 levels of classes. So they were discussing strategies and such on how to overcome this problem because in some classes, the average percentage for math was 29%. So during the whole time, I was devising ways on how to motivate the kids of my class 4 Tokyo to get at least 60% in their finals. I dont think I want them to use the textbook much because it is clearly not working. So I think I would make them practice composition and introduce new words to them everyday for them to widen their vocabulary use. Any ideas on the matter is very much welcomed! (:

I have been in Cloud 9 ever since yesterday really. Visited the orphanage after an hours long walk with Carolyn and we played, sang and danced with a bucket as the rhythm setter. I met a new face (this is now my 4th visit), a really interesting face at that. Because he had high cheekbones and small eyes like a Chinese but he is all Kenyan. He is 12 and his name is Ernest. He was so friendly and he sat with me throughout the 3 hours spent there, stroking my hand in amazement. He is such a good dancer too! Overall, a very sweet boy. Minutes before we were about to leave, he asked one of the older boys to tattoo my name in pen on his arm. So there it was in capital black letters 'ANN'. Thats what everyone here calls me because A-yin is too hard to pronounce. But getting back to the story, it was the sweetest thing ever! And I felt like bursting into tears right at that moment because I was so touched! Plus I was a tad bit emotional because I brought my notebook to the orphanage to show them my drawings, and slitted between the pages was a picture of my late Embahyah. They found it and asked me who it was so I told them that he is my grandfather. 'Your grandfather is a businessman. Very rich!' Haha. I didnt have the guts to tell them that he had passed away after everything theyve been through and all so tears welled up in my eyes automatically. Good thing they didnt see it though! I prefer to keep my personal things private from them.

If that wasnt enough, today at school, I was looking at the papers that the kids handed into me. And on one of the papers in read at the bottom 'I am happy Ann'. I mean what else do you want in life? Seeing these kids happy is the reason I came flying from across the globe to come here. They wouldnt stop touching the core of my heart and at this point of time, I have never felt happier and I dont want to leave! Kenya, you have magic amongst your people and you dont cease to amaze me.

Day 12 - The Jami Orphanage

2010-10-15T01:06:00.000-07:00

Ive kind of being doing alot these past few days but in this post I would like to try to describe the orphanage that I am volunteering in so that people who have donated to my cause would get a brighter picture of what Im doing here.

Jami Orphanage was founded by Mary-Ann, a tall lanky lady with the widest smile. The house was given to her to start off the orphanage because she used to cook for random kids with little or no food. This Orphanage is home to 70 kids. Youngest is a week old baby who was given birth by one of the teenage orphans because she was raped. Judy, aged around 14-15 years old was in the midst of taking her high school examinations when baby Mercy was born. The smallest baby that I have ever seen, shes almost always asleep cuddled in white blankets. She now is housed in one of the rooms in the orphanage.

Basically there are two rooms with a few bunk beds in each - one for the young girls and the other for the young boys. The older boys stay in their own room. All rooms lack mattresses, light and safety. The beds look as if they are about to break. And each mattress might be the haven for a few kids at a time. Because of the lack of light, the young girls have trouble when it comes to wetting the bed. So they prefer to wet their bed than go to the toilet which is outside at night. If you do go in to the rooms, you can immediately smell the stench of urine in all the rooms. And this is where they sleep at night every night.

Even sadder, they are the lucky ones. Throughout my stay I have seen countless orphans roaming the streets, begging for money. Poverty here is common and a very large community of Kenyans are poor. So the card board boxes you see on the side of the roads might be home to the less fortunate. At least in this orphanage, they get food even if its just vegetables. The older kids help out the younger ones and they seem like a family. Cooking together, eating together and washing their clothes together.Some older kids dont go to school because they have a problem of paying the school fees. So they are mostly around.

They have one library filled with books, English and Swahili. And two classrooms for the ones that dont go to school. One though has a hole in its roof so currently, in the rainy season, one classroom is flooded. The classrooms dont have tables or chairs, so they sit on the floor when its class time.

The thing is that they are happy. All of them. Playing on the grass, pretending a spare tyre was a car and making car toys out of spare wires. We had a water fight the other day and we were all drenched in soap and water. All of them giggling away in their wet clothes. Every time I visit, they have the biggest smiles on their faces. Holding my hand, hugging me and taking my shades off of me, they are contented and they are happy. Sometimes I wonder how any times I complain on what I dont have and I look at them and feel extremely ashamed. They came here because their parents either died of HIV, beat them or left them at the gate as a baby in a basket. In another orphanage, the babies are left in the drains to die and thankfully, they were rescued. Now, theyve grown up to be little angels.

Theyve taught me to be patient and thankful for at home, I have so much compared to them. If I could, I would like to adopt all of them and bring them home. Get them new clothes and feed them well. Take care of them. But this is what in the very beginning of the trip, I was afraid of. That I would get more from this trip than they would. But I promise to do my best.

In the midst of uploading pictures on Facebook right now. Dont know how long that would take but pictures of the orphanage and the kids are there for you to see. Cheers and God Bless! (:

Day 8 - Sickness, Waterfall and Children

2010-10-11T06:01:00.000-07:00

I recovered from the worst of food poisoning on Thursday. I threw up twice in the morning and was having a fever the whole day after. Whilst I was sick, I was also totally homesick. All the 'Why am I here?' thoughts came flooding into my mind. But, I got over my self pity. Haha. Then, like a local Kenyan, I got up the next morning totally unfazed by my weaker body and hoped into a car with Helen and drove off to the chemist under Karanja's orders. Got some pills from him and then Helen brought Katie and I around town for a bit to get me a watch and Diet Cola. Watch because I dont want to flash my phone whenever I wanted to tell the time and Diet Cola because since I got to Nakuru, I havent loved everything that I have been eating. Which is quite weird for me because I dont see myself as a picky eater EVER. But Kenyan food is just another league for me.So, to make up for the lack of food and sugar intake, I drink diet cola for energy. Sad, but true. Might just live off plain rice and butter topped with the serunding that I brought from home really. I miss Malaysian Food!!

Yesterday, our host brother, Eric, 28 years of age and quite tall in stature, drove us to Thomson Falls. This great big waterfall outside town. We also stopped by Menengai Crater which was near our house, which was sort of like a field that looked like a meteor had hit it thousands of years ago. Amazing considering the fact that it is so close to the town centre too. The Masais were there earlier, you could tell by the left settlement on the ground. Apparently, the land is home to baboons, giraffes and leopards. There were houses nearby too. Children shouted 'Harru?' from a far. Seeing white amongst greens, I guess it was pretty obvious.

We also crossed the equator! Which was BEYOND COOL! From the southern hemisphere to the northern hemisphere. We stopped to take pictures and this guy, Moses was telling how water flows clockwise on one hemisphere and flows anticlockwise on the other hemisphere. Water flows straight down on the equator. We got to see it first hand with his demonstration so we were like tourists in awe. We might have looked pretty pathtic for their standards but I also think that their used to it.

The waterfall was pretty amazing! We had to climb down a whole lot of rocks and slippery steps to get to the bottom of the waterfall but it was all worth it because we got totally drenched at the bottom. We were that close to it. I cant even begin to try to describe the scenery so Im going to try to upload photos soon. Eric told us many stories about family and how they have a 'Manhood Ceremony' where at the age of 13/14, Kenyan boys are left outside their family for 14 days and taught how to be a man. The boys have to slaughter a bull to prove their manhood and after that they are given a knife each for their circumcision. And they get circumcised in front of a crowd at that. If you flinch, you are not a man then you are kind of exiled from the group or you wont be the ideal choice for a husband. So I told him, Malay boys should be so thankful that they get theirs cut in privacy! Haha. Lake Bogoria next weekend, where all the flamingos stay.

Today, we finally went to the placements. Barakka Primary School, Jami Orphanage and St Anns Orphanage. The school was great and I might teach there starting tomorrow. We, being alot different, namely unblack, we were swarmed by kids, shaking our hands and touching our skin. They were amazed that I had hair on mine so they were left stroking it all the time that I was there. After being brought around the schools, we were 'teaching' PE in the field. I was basically handling a group of girls of class 5 Mombasa and they taught me alot of field games. Running here and there, that was the most physicl activity I had in weeks. But what I did find out, they do like hugs! And when we were about to go, they surrounded our car, so we were sort of like celebrities if you think of it in that way. (:

The first orphanage was great. Really friendly people showing me around. Another Eric and another Moses asked me to play the piano so I played Canon in D and they were amazed. The orphanage was in a very poor state but the kids were very happy. Jami, this little girl, Im guessing aged 3, kept following me around, holding my hand while I was shown around the orphanage. Seeing it for the first time, in all honestly, made me sad because here they are, without family, without proper houses and lack of classrooms, but they were contented with what they have. I know alot of people back home who should come out here and see for themselves how people form other countries live so that for once, you could be thankful for what you have.

Hopefully I could figure out how to upload my photos soon, till then, take care!

Day 4 - HC, Lake Nyavasha, Monkeys and Nakuru

2010-10-07T06:46:00.000-07:00

I have arrived to the place that I am going to spend my 6 months in - NAKURU. At first I thought it sounded alot like Maruku but hey, thats Africa for you. On the 2nd day, Joelle came form England so we roomed in Nairobi for a night. Met the High Commissioner of Malaysia, Encik Zainon. He said that he would take care of me and whenever I am in Nairobi, I can stay at his 10 bedroom house which is currently occupied by only him and his wife. She shoots, she scores! Haha

But he was a nice person. Got to talking alot with Karanja, my adopted Kenyan father. He said that Im the first Malaysian to ever do this in Kenya before according to his records. So, he jokingly expects a full report after my 6 months. He also hinted that I should tell my friends and family in Malaysia that Africa is not one country and Kenya is a safe place if you are cautious. All that bull that you hear from the media, its just hype and its a shame that no one dares to come, because it is a wonderfully beautiful country.

The next day we packed up for Nakuru but made a few stops on the way. Went to a monkey temple thing first and we were supposed to feed the monkeys. Joelle did but I didnt just because those things were HUGE! 5 feet away minimum please. I was kind of dissapointed with myself because when else can you feed monkeys in Kenya right? But oh well, nothing that I can do about it now.

Then, we stopped at Lake Nayvasha after passing along the Rift Valley which was absolutely gorgeous! Wow that place just took my breath away because the hill just suddenly drops and you could see all the trees and stuff. Stunning! Near Lake Nayvasha was a safari and we saw giraffes and wait for it, zeebras! First time seeing those things up close and personal! We took a boat out to the lake and passed some ducks and birds like the kingfisher. But the highlight of the day was definitely seeing the hippo clan. They were BIG and very CLOSE! One just popped its head out of the water suddenly at about 10 feet away from our boat so it was crazy!

Drove the rest of the journey to Nakuru and got a brief tour of the town centre. It is small and quaint. Think Jalan Tunku Abdul Rahman and that is what it looks like really. Settled in to my host family quite well with host mom, Helen, shes a sweetheart and housemates, Katie and Carolyn who filled me in on all the placements.I have my own room and us volunteers have our own shower/toilet. I thought it was going to be much worse but with a house that resembled a Malaysian Kampong house, I felt at home really quickly.

Today I met all the volunteers, all 8 of us. 6 girls and 2 boys. And the girls went out around town showing Joelle and I the important places to note down like the market and the post office. The tescos of Kenya is this place called Tusky. Havent went in yet but it looks like Mydin from the outside. Here I am now, in the internet cafe jotting down memories on my blog.

Around town you do get beggars especially children who target anyone who has different coloured skin. If Im alone I think Ill be alright although I have had weird looks from people since I got here. They are confused by where I come from but overall, I can conclude that in Kenya, I am Chinese/Korean/Japanese.The thing that confuses them more is that I wear the hijab but them eyes dont lie. (:

Also, Karanja and his family really is confused as to why I dont drink. Karanja even filled my drinking glass with a little bit of Tusker beer saying 'Allah wont know, Ayne. Drink it.' But I have resisted so far, and do plan to continue resisting until he gives up. Haaha. Thats not how I roll, Karanja. I had to pray in the van too on the way to Nakuru so that was a bit of a shocker for him as well. Ill give him a month, I bet he'll be used to my Muslim ways by then. Because just now he called me and said 'Assalamualaikum, Ayne'. Adorable.

Going to the schools and orphanages tomorrow for a sneak peek. I think my host brother, Eric is going to take us to Nyaharuru during the weekend so Im officially going to start teaching on Monday, InsyaAllah. Kids here look so great so I cant wait to start off! But I dont want time to go on too quickly because I have put in too much effort into planning this trip to have it flash before my eyes.

Taking the matatu (mini bus) home with Katie and Carolyn later. They say the first ride is memorable. Ill tell you how it goes. (:

Day 1 - Nairobi

2010-10-07T06:21:00.000-07:00

I wouldn't have guessed that I would get internet access this early on in the trip but hey, life is peachy! Haha.

So, basically, I have arrived safely in Nairobi, Kenya after 2 flights on Qatar Airways. Both flights I slept throughout like a baby. Only awakening for food. Did meet a rather creepy guy on the 2nd flight who was bold to say the least, for giving me his contact details without me asking or indicating that I want it. Also, he changed seats on the plane so that he would be seated next to me despite me saying no the first time. I gave him the cold shoulder throughout, but hey, A for effort and A for total lack of humility.

As the plane was on the verge of landing in the airport though, we swerved through white clouds and I get to see the aerial view of the dessert/ safari. The movement of the plane in and out of the clouds were exhilarating because the clouds stretched on for miles on end and they resembled cotton candy. Yummy. Also from above, I could see the trees down below, exactly like the ones you see in the Lion King movie where Rafiki stayed in. Then, it hit me, I am finally here! Africa!

Was welcomed in the airport by three people, two of whom were holding signs of my name. AYNE in bold letters. One of them was Karanja, my adopted dad for this journey and another was from the Malaysian High Commisioners Office. He pesan ikan bilis. So I brought 5 kgs worth. Haha.

Karanja showed me around Nairobi with his driver/assistant Singh. Went to the Girraffe Sanctuary and got licked in the face by an actual girraffe. Toungue resembled sand paper and saliva was sticky like glue. Spotted a wild boar too, Pumba.

After that, slept in the Bush Hotel after a lovely dinner of potatoes, carrots and lentils. Never knew that it could taste that good! Sleep was a nightmare because of a certain fly that kept buzzing in my ears and it was cold (because apparently I didnt shut the windows.. smart move future doctor!) Kept on waking up because I felt unsettled. But when I woke up to the bright sunrise, it was magical. Im finally here! Will report more soon, I promise.

The day after tomorrow

2010-10-02T04:07:00.000-07:00

Bags are packed. Tickets are printed. Notebook in check. Cameras memory card empty. Pictures of family neatly stored in backpack.

Wow, cant believe the day is almost finally here.

Time for the adventure of my life.

My AHA moment

2010-09-30T02:17:00.000-07:00

Eat Pray Love. That was the book that I was reading till 2 am last night and that was the movie that I watched 2 hours ago at the cinema. And I feel like my life has flipped 180 degrees and everything just makes so much more sense! And I swear that this is God telling me that I have grown up. He is shining my path to where I am meant to be all this while. HAPPY.

Only some people know how much shit I have gone through in 2010. Alot of failure and loss which I cannot turn back. I cannot turn the dials of the clock back and change my choices nor can I go back in time and tell my granddad to not get the surgery and wait for me to come home. At that point of time, I was a hollow shell. A robot, going around the land pretending like its ok however, I was lost. I had no passion. I had a life, but nothing worth living for. The highlight of my day was watching shows online, looking at my friends lives on Facebook and studying monotonously. It was not fulfilling, it was just entertainment, distracting me from reality. Clinging on to people who love me, but I had no spark to return the love. Heck, I even went for a therapy session in Aberdeen once because all I could think about were something along the lines of :

I used to love reading. What happened to that?
I used to have big dreams. Why am I now settling?
I used to play music with such passion. Why haven't I picked up the violin in ages?
I used to have such a life. I used to have fire in my eyes. I used to be happy.

Well, with that being said. I have come to a realisation after these past few days that I was not alone. People nowadays just easily loose their spark in life. Maybe its called the 'burnt out' phase that after so many years of torturous exams and of working hard, you just are so burried into what people think you should be verses what you want to be. In high school, it was you should get a scholarship and get into the top universities! You should be a doctor or a lawyer! Should get straight A's all the way! Should should should. What about WANT?

Now, Alhamdulillah, I am doing much better. God has shown me the right path, as He showed Julia Roberts in that movie. Now, instead of thinking of what I should do, I think of what I really want to do. And before, everything seemed to be in the way, stopping me from doing what I want to do, now, God has given me one whole year free!

All my life, I wanted to go to Africa. I am going to make that happen.
I love the way the French talk. I am going to learn French!
I have started painting again!
I love the feeling of reading good books. I am now sucked into countless books, passion lighted once more.
I want to have a real relationship with God. I am going to learn Arab with my grandma so that I could understand God through the Quran.
I want to learn to love myself and ignite my love for others in return.

I think if Malaysia had a word, it would be DEPENDENT. Most people depend on their boyfriends or girlfriends for love. We depend on our government to get overseas. We depend on our parents to dictate how we should live our life. We like to conform, never over stepping the boundaries. But in life, youre meant to feel afraid. I think we are blessed to feel fear, because having that emotion means that you are going somewhere, becoming someone. Without fear, you are comfortable where you are. And there, you will stay for all eternity.

I am now, unattached, on my own, and I love every minute of it! I truly believe that if you don't love yourself first, youre not in any position to be with someone. Because youre not doing justice to you or your other half. Despite how much you love or adore the other, I feel like you must take a time out and be with yourself. Selfish, but necessary. If it is meant to be, when you are stronger and ready, you'll find each other at the end.

Watch the movie or read this book because it might just change the way you look at things.

Mould yourself into someone who smiles, from the inside out. Truly happy. (:

With a taste of a poison paradise

2010-09-29T07:15:00.000-07:00

3rd day of driving solo and I think I have got this in the bag. Except for parallel parking in the real world. Epic fail. But practice makes perfect right?
Thats why I gave up finding a parking space and parked at A&W restaurant and took the LRT to Ampang Park to collect my credit card. With power comes responsibility. But for now, the extra power feels oh so good!

Going to catch Eat Pray Love with the sister tomorrow. The movie is about adventure and self discovery so might as well watch it and learn some stuff that might be of good use soon. Also, to get the 'forgottens' before I zip up and lock up my luggage for good.

Also, I had a weird dream last night that I was attending my first French lesson. And I was totally lost in all the nasal words. Suddenly, everyone was cheering as a model doing a catwalk rushes past. Go figure cause she had legs that went on forever. Haha. But yeah, I was really anxious because I didnt even have a dictionary and my teacher looked like she just came out of a coffin, dressed in all black. I told this to my mom cause I wondered why I was more anxious on French classes than Africa because as of yet, i havent dreamt of lions chasing me or hyper ventilating under the hot sun. My moms answer to it was that my anxiety for Africa came up in my dreams as the feeling of helplessness that I had when attending the class. Because, in a brand new foreign situation, youre bound too be a tad worried. So, thats my moms Freudian take on that.

Anyhow, I do hope that I could continue to update this blog whilst in the rift valley. Because mainly due to my poor memory, I would really like to pen down all my thoughts and experiences so that in 5 or 10 or 20 years time, I could read back and reminisce the good times.

Next adventure in mind : South America. Namely Argentina. Next summer maybe? (:

2010-09-26T07:11:00.000-07:00

Im terrified, and Im so pumped.

Alhamdulillah for great family and friends and their support. Today was a good long day.

Fearlessly, Ayne xxx

Raya 2010

2010-09-25T09:49:00.000-07:00

All pictures are taken and edited my Uncle Ajan. Awesome kid-uncle whom I love.

Auntie Nazura with baby Nayla

Uncle Ajan captioned this picture as : 'Reason why Ayne is so tall'

Familia

We roll like that

See the vast difference in height? Sometimes I wonder if Im adopted.

My best friend.

Papa and Mama :)

Waka Waka Eh Eh

2010-09-23T20:40:00.000-07:00

I am getting my official license today! Hope that the parents would let me drive around. I need to get used to automatic driving and clock in some practice if I want to convince them that I could actually drive on my own.

As for my future endeavors, its almost just a week left until the 6 month adventure to Africa! And I cant wait! Apparently Im going to live with a local, named Helen and I am going to room with two English girls, Katie and Carolyn. All three of us are vegetarians. So this would be fun huh? Katie even updated this blog of hers about her recent adventures in Nakuru, and it sound like alot of fun! Shes been on a safari seeing lions, elephants and giraffes and shes now teaching in a school nearby the house. She said the students are really friendly. They keep on coming up to you, shaking your hand and asking for your name. Oh I cant wait!

Essentials according to Katie are hand sanitizer and toilet paper. I wonder why they dont have toilet paper there, but no biggie, Ill stock up on that here.

I was planning to take up two languages during the 6 month break after I come back from Kenya. So Im learning Arabic with my grandma (which I have already started, so I know the basics) and I am planning to take up French with the sister. But my sister has already clocked in 2 years of French experience in Scotland, so I am way behind. I thought that it would help me if one day, I would like to practice medicine in France. But if not, it would be quite the tool whenever I would like to hop on the next Eurotrain to Paris for bread and cheese. Thus, my gap year is packed! :)

To my friends who are flying off soon or has flown off to the UK, I wish you all the best! That country is seriously fun! :)

2010-09-23T20:20:00.001-07:00

He's Just Not Into You

2010-09-19T08:32:00.000-07:00

I love quotes. Been surfing the net, and I found these oh-so-true quotes. Ladies, read these, understand and apply. Guys, just accept that these are true.

A man who wants to make a relationship work will move mountains to keep the woman he loves. If he's not calling you to tell you he loves you and wants you back, it should only be because he's showing up at your new residence to do it in person ... if he's not doing any of that, he may love you, he may miss you, but ultimately he's just not that into you. Stop taking his calls and let him know what it's like to live without you.

“If a guy treats you like he doesn’t give a s— it’s because he doesn’t give a s—.”

“If you can find him, then he can find you. If he wants to find you, he will.”

“Don’t get tricked into asking him out. If he likes you, he’ll do the asking.”

“I had this guy leave me a voice mail at work, so I called him at home, and then he emailed me to my BlackBerry, and so I texted to his cell, and now you just have to go around checking all these different portals just to get rejected by seven different technologies. It’s exhausting.”

P.S. Love the first and last one.

Off the heezy

2010-09-16T09:33:00.000-07:00

Puasa month was fun especially since I fasted the whole month this year! I have never got this clean a record since Form 1 when I was still 'a girl, not yet a woman'. Haha. Learnt Arabic basics from my beloved grandmama and I gotta tell ya, I am getting the hang of this picking up a new language thing. Not too shabby for a long unused brain. (Seriously, the gears up there remain unused since ALevels)

Raya was slow moving this year. And I like it this way. Not too hectic as before. And, different from my adolescent self, my main aim was not to collect alot of Duit Raya this year, but to meet people that I havent met in a long time. Ayne is growing up, I know. Day one of Raya mostly consisted of me helping out at the house, gathering kuih raya and arranging them into fancy china. Oh, and this year I got the liberty of picking the table sets. So, if I say so myself, the tablecloths were indeed sophisticatedly picked. Haha.

The raya days after that was when we started the Open houses. I have trained myself to eat a little bit from each house and not indulge on one dish only. Because, according to past experiences, it aint fun feeling like you want to burst after the third house. Especially if you are wearing a baju kebaya. SELF CONTROL!

Doing my puasa 6 now. 3 days down, 3 more to go. Going to KLCC tomorrow with the gal pals. Also, to shop and get the vaccine for Yellow Fever. On Tuesday, I got poked at 3 times. Once for a blood test, once for Typhoid vaccine and another for Tetanus+Polio+Something+Something vaccine. So I couldnt lift up my arms until recently. (Note to self : I also need to get malaria tablets later)

To all bloggers, I guess its not to late to wish you a Happy Eid and Maaf Zahir dan Batin!

2010-09-06T03:17:00.003-07:00

Sorry guys, Im in love :)

This made me smile

2010-09-05T08:31:00.000-07:00

I should be paid for the amount of publicity I do for the school.

If you are using students as your marketing plan, please get their details right! My age is a year too young and I took 4 A2 subjects, not 3.

Penat I bust my ass out on Physics and you mark it down as AS.

Oh well.

However, it is still an honour. :)

Disturbing discovery (Note : Twilight fans should not read this)

2010-09-04T08:07:00.000-07:00

OMG.OMG.OMG.

I became a little curious tonight after reading peoples blogs so I flashed back and read my first ever blog post and look what I found!

I ended my first EVER blog post with :

and quote, "OK. Will write later and tell you what I thought of Twilight. Edward Cullen rocks hard!!"

Puke, vomit and puke. Ok, I admit that I did read the first Twilight book and half of the second. I thought the first book was good but the second was just too sour, with Bella being depressed all the time, it made me depressed. So since then, I stopped thinking it was good. Then, the films came and the mania followed. And I got even sicker. The second movie was just 3/4 Bella saying 'I love you Edward. I cant live without you Edward.' Epitome of a weak woman. Why buy into that? I felt like slapping Bella silly throughout the film, shouting in her face 'WAKE UP!'

And in Brighton, regarding the Harry Potter vs Twilight debate, I am through and through pro-HP. Just because, it is way cooler! The plots are more amazing and the imagination that is put into the book is just dazzling!

Synopsis of Twilight : Vampire meets girl. Vampire falls in love with girl. Girl becomes desperate. Wolf-man fights vampire for girl's love. Whole nation fights because of the girl. Vampire marries girl. Girl begs vampire to make her pregnant. Girl gets pregnant. Mutant baby is born. The End.

Do you see a loop hole here? Why not just kill the girl! Makes most people happy. Me included.

I do think all of that could be squeezed into one movie. Try squeezing Harry Potter into one movie, I bet you cant! And whats this about making the last installment of the Twilight series into two separate movies? Absurd. THERE IS NOT ENOUGH SUBSTANCE! HP wannabe, puhlleaasee!

I swear, if the actors are not good-looking, the movie will not sell.

So, I for one, am upset in myself to even associate with Twilight during the beginning of my blogging history. It is a disgrace.

Cant wait for the last installment of HP though! Will watch part one in Kenya and part two in Malaysia. Totally stoked! :)

2010-09-03T08:18:00.000-07:00

Sooooo, my mouth is nearly alright! I ate solid foods just now, first time since a week ago and I feel fantastic! Really dont know how good it tastes, before your mouth decides to die on you.

So how are you people? Hope Ramadhan is treating you well.

Not really excited for Raya though. Other than being just too lazy to get new baju raya (I am rewearing my oldstuffs btw), I am not in the mood for lots of luxurious foods all at one time. I mean, pulut is great with rendang! But couple that with Laksa from one house, Nasi Briyani from another and Lontong from another house, all you get is a messed up digestive system. And its not like you can visit a house on Raya day and say, 'Oh, no thanks. Im full' cause thats just plain rude in this country.

I cant wait for the kuihs though!

I am wearing these wedges that my mom got from Ebay which are gorgeous! But my mom refuses to wear them because its too high. The fact is, it is very high like those platforms in the 60s/70s in Mamma Mia. Since i do not have any other choice of footwear, I am stuck with those. So, if you see a mini walking skyscraper in KL, that would be me. Say hi? :)

Dynamite

2010-09-01T06:26:00.000-07:00

I have been down with this viral infection for 5 days now and Alhamdulillah, it has gotten better. But during the earlier days of this phase,it was nothing but painful. Got water blisters on my hand and feet and like 10 ulcers in my mouth. Wait. Let me count them.

Yup. Nine exactly. 6 on my bottom lip, 1 humongous one on my tongue, 1 under my tongue and 1 on my upper lip. Now that it is drying up my mouth just feels numb but a few days ago, the slight move of my tongue would cause immense pain. This is what P.Ramlee would call dugaan.
Therefore, for five days now I have literally kept my mouth shut like I vowed on silence or something. and let me tell you, it is so difficult not to talk. Like when you want to add water in your glass during buka puasa, you have to resort to hand signals rather than suffer the wrath of the cold sores.

And Im not allowed to touch anybody cause this virus is very contagious. So yeah. Lack of human contact sucks. No hugs and not even salams after prayers. The powerful virus spreads through saliva too, so anything I spit into, like the sink, has to be sprayed with antibacterial. Its just like having measles but worse. Cause I had to stick to soups and porridge all this while. Solid foods is not even an option. My life is awesome.

Guess the saying is right after all. Be thankful that you are healthy, before you are sick. Eat that cheeseburger when you get the chance, because maybe tomorrow you'll become like me, opening your mouth could be a miracle. Haha.

Tonight of all nights also, there was Ikan Keli Sambal on the table. My dish that my late granddad always always always cook for me whenever I come back from KYS or England. Tonight's dish was different though. It was bought not made. I stared at it and that triggered me to cry. Before this, 10/10 times when I cry, I would not like people to see so I'll go away and cry alone. But this time, I stayed there on the table and wept. I guess I wanted people to see. And see, they did but they kept quiet and understood. I love my family.

Its a funny thing, grief. You think that youre over it but actually youre so far off from being ok that it surprises you sometimes. Its like dynamite. It might be blown up, but remnants of it remains scattered around.

God, this is a depressing post. A happy one next time?

I say can you believe it?

2010-08-25T22:56:00.000-07:00

This summer has been nothing but awesome and fun. Alot of friend meet ups and days out with family too. Thank you safiah and rory for my Ghana shirt! I was like jumping up and down ecstatic when I got it! Africa fever y'all! See you guys for another round of Monopoly in London.

Trip to Melaka with buddies!

Saylem was the driver and he drove manually! It didnt help that he told us about his accident with a motorcycle the last time he drove but THANK GOD, it was a safe journey to Ayer Keroh. Laughed a whole lot despite Daeng being 2 hours late due to the stupid KTM. Never mind, I forgive you for making me go so early, I was walking with my eyelids closed.

Met alot of people when we arrived at 1 then Lai met up with us after for a drive through Melaka city. Visited Cikgu KA in hospital. He looked really poorly but was his usual cheerful self, still joking and laughing, making his belly jiggle. Haha. I hope you recover fully after this. No more late nights in Mamak stalls and curb your sugar intake cikgu!

We buka in school with nasi beriyani and we solat terawikh just like last time. Ustaz Azmi led. Then, sleepover at the dorms! First time in history did Kak Ina say that we have permission to sleep in after sahur. Graduating feels so good. Nice catching up with juniors and did I tell you that they have kelambus and washing machines? Unfair? I know.

TITANZ BUKA PUASA!

Uzira and I took a drive to KYUEM for a mini road trip despite Uncle Uzir driving in fornt of us for half the journey in case we got lost. Haha. But it was fun! Especially the bit where we were pulled up by policemen in Lembah Beringin. We entered a wrong lane so ofcourse we had to reverse. Perfect timing though cause the police car pulled up right at that time. AND stupidly, we followed the police car, so duhhh, we were asked to pull up. Dahla Uzi didnt put the P sign on the car. Good thing shes a Tengku or else we would have walked home. Haha.

We picked up the KYUEM people right after that and journeyed home, with Anas driving. Like a maniac! Laju gila please! Then we met up with the rest in a Petronas station in Ampang. Then Amon, together with her plus one, drove me to Lookout Point up on a hill. Looking at the road leading to it, one might have guessed that we were going to a mini genting destination. But on top, it had the most beautiful view of KL. We made it just in time for buka, so we opened fast with cold air bandung. Yummay! I solat Maghrib after that with the guys, berjemaah with me, being the only girl at the back. Akward, but Saylem imam sedap so Im glad I did.

Twas a good day out. We chatted and we laughed just like old times. And this might be the biggest gathering yet cause people are flying overseas soon. Dont know when we could do this again. But it was definitely a night to remember.

I fiddled alot with Hashims camera that night. So alot of pictures were taken and thankfully, uploaded. :)

My gal pals. Always and forever.

Kodak moment.

I call this picture, the 5' 7" and above. Excluding Amal ofcourse. Haha.

All them people who came :)

And... the picture of the year. CHE MOKH!

Gosh, didnt know how many girls were gushing over you that night. Very stylo. You have truly evolved from being a Harry Potter look a like. Haha. Many best wishes for your future endeavors in US! That is, if they let you in this time. Haha.

Bow down to Him, because He is great.

2010-08-19T22:01:00.000-07:00

I made it! We made it!

I am so proud of my Bellerbys friends! We play hard but we deliver in the end. Hope to see all of you in London next year. Elvina in Imperial, Isabel in UCL, Michelle in Kings and Shu Yee in LSE! We have representatives in all the London Universities! Shall we have tea and scones every fortnight taste testing cafes? LETS! Haha.
And to Phong, OMG 5A*s! Cambridge would be slapped silly for not accepting you. But Im glad that we will be Medic mates in UCL! :D

But all of this are God's decisions. He is the Almighty and he chose this road for me. And I am so so thankful for that.
The new chapter in my life begins now and I am nothing but excited and pumped!

Embahyah, I did it. I hope I made you proud.

Booklist

2010-08-05T02:02:00.000-07:00

Addition to the book list :

1. The Color Purple
2. The Devil and Miss Prym
3. Sidney Pottier - The Measure of a Man
4. Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone
5. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
6. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Total books read 2010 : 14

Thus, my new years resolution of reading at least a book a month has been completed. Alhamdulillah. After spending so much time with Paulo Coelho, I am more than happy to move on to much greener pastures. Exhausted of his writing style really, more than anything. I am attempting to reread the whole HP series before summers out, before the last installation of the movie series is out. So I am halfway there.

Also, I better start reading up on Kenya. And more importantly, get travel insurance. Alas, next drving class on Tuesday! My life is awesome. Haha

A great man he was

2010-07-25T06:46:00.000-07:00

Embahyah gave a speech to Taylors College in 2006. Going through his stuff after his passing, we found this inspirational speech that I would like to share with everyone.

2006

“A WITNESS TO HISTORY”

by Tan Sri Radin Soenarno

I chose this topic for my talk today because I was one of that generation of Malaysians who witnessed and had benefited from those unfolding years in Malaysian History. I am now 74 years old, very old from your perspective and, I passed me School Cambridge certificate (now you call it SPM) in 1953 and, graduated from the University of Malaya in Singapore in 1959. There was no University of Singapore then. We had only one university and that as University of Malaya and for Singapore too. If you remember the date I mentioned, 1953, we were still very much under the British rule. Everywhere then, you saw British Officers in offices, in schools and the university. My headmaster in schools, one was Mr Jackson in Clifford school in Kuala Lipis, Pahang, and another, Dr GED Lewis in Anderson School, Ipoh, Perak. THey were both proud personalities and bossy headmasters. Then at the University Malaya, we had white professors; Prof. Dobby, Prof. Treggonning, Hanby and Silcok and, the Vice Chancellor was Sir Sydney Caine. All the professors were fairly old, looked learned and with big stomachs. I graduated in 1959, just two years after the country gained independence in 1957. So I got my first degree 47 years ago, long before you were born yet! So you can see, I had lived through the years of our independence since August 1957 until now, witnessing and, in very small measure, participating in the unfolding formative years of our history. I would like to share with you my observations and experiences, the bitter sweet times, I went through and, hopefully, by the end of this talk, I can give you some titbits of what this independence or merdeka means to all of us.

Firstly, you must note my funny and unusual name. My name was given to me by my late father, who migrated here, to Kuala Lipis, Pahang, from Java in 1910 and, being proud of his origin and, thinking perhaps, that I would be brought back to Java later on, he gave me a full-fledged Javanese name. My father passed away when I was just 5 years old, leaving my mother and younger brother stranded in a rubber estate in Kuala Lipis, Pahang. There were a few incidences in which my name became a problem to me. When I was in school in Kuala Lipis, whenever my teacher, a rather nasty Indian teacher, found me unrully in class, he used to shout at me, “Hey you Sukarno fello, shut up will you?” Or whenever he asked the class a question and, I quickly raised my hand and being very eager with my answer, gave the answer before the teacher asked me to do so. That would elicit a remark from him, “You Indon Sukarno, you are too clever, ha!”

Then, when I finished my School Certificate and was looking to join a school with Form 6, being the best in my class, I applied for a place at the Malay College Kuala Kangsar, for my Form 6 studies. You know what, the reply I got from the headmaster, a white man, of the Malay College? My headmaster handed me the reply letter for me to read and it read, “Regret to inform that this student cannot be accepted by the Malay College because he is not a true Malay.” That letter brought me down to Earth and I was reminded of who I was really. In 1953 one could be born Muslim, talk fluent Malay and practiced Malay customs and culture, but your non-Malay name differentiated you from the true Malay race. In early 1954, Tun Razak was State Secretary of Pahang. I went to see him for help in my application for a Pahang State Scholarship to study Law overseas. Again, he said, I was not eligible because I was not the son of a Pahang Royalty or Pahang Dato! And when I told him that I was not acceptable for enty into Malay College because of my Javanese blood, he smiled and said, “Don’t worry and get discouraged, there are other schools even better than the Malay College you can apply for a place. I will recommend you for a Federal Scholarship. ABout the admission policy into Malay College, I will change it soon!” How prophetic was that statement in early 1954, because soon after he became the Minister of Education after independence, he overhauled the Education Policy. Tun Razak liberalised and liberated education in the country. Education was universalised and open to all Malaysians, irrespective of social class, race origin, creed,religion and beliefs. All schools were open to all. Though the Malay College was kep closed for Malay students only, but the entry was no longer limited to members of the Royal Families and upper classes of the society.Under the new Education Policy, the only limitation to students wanting good and higher education was their brain quality and, in some cases, financial support capabilities of the families. But I missed the opening of the Malay College to non-”true” Malaysa. The definition of ‘Malay’ after merdeka, was changed into those who professed the Muslim religion and habitually spoke and practiced Malay Language and custom.

I ended up at anderson School, Ipoh, for my Form 6 schooling and, University Malaysa in Singapore there after. I was given a Federal Scholarship under the new definition of what a Malay was and had to sign a bond to serve the government for 5 years. From then on, from 1955, my name seemened to blend smoothly with such names as Ali, Mohamad, Othman, etc without the perjorative inference that somehow I was related to Presodent sukarno or regareded as an Indon agent in the country! You know what, sometimes I secretly wished that somehow I was related to the late President Sukarno, because he was such a magnet during his life time, to the ladies. By the time he dies in 1966, he had five wives. But I don’t have his blood and I am still keeping my one and only wife!

After graduation in 1959, I had to work with the government in accordance with the contract I signed with the government. I had no choice in the choice of my career. In the Government Service, I served at various levels of the Government Administration, ranging from the ground level as District Officer, Kuala Selangor, State Secretaty of Perak and, as Assistant Secretaries and secretaries general of several ministries. Finally, I was appointed to my last post before I retired in 1987, as the Directir-General, Economic Planning Unit (EPU), in the Prime Minister’s Department. In all, I served directly under three Prime Ministers : Tunku Abdul Rahman, Tun Abdul Razak and, finally, Tun Dr Mahathir Muhamad. I missed serving directly under Tun Hussein Onn, because during his short tenure as Prime Minister, I was the State Secretary of Perak in Ipoh. My experiences serving directly the three Prime Ministers, gave me the privilege and pleasure to observe, at close range, the unfolding History of the Nation, almost on daily basis. There were moments of great stress, of joys and, of grinding motions of the Government machinery of which I was a small part. I will not attempt to present to you today the detailed history of those years. That would need a full scale study in a History book, but suffice it for my talk, to give you glimpses of the happenings, which were crucial and critical but light-hearted and to me, most memorable.

I first served at the Prime Minister;s Department as Assistant Secretary, between 1963-66, in the Administration and Financw Division. In that capacity, I had to see TTunku daily and sometimes, twice a day, once in the morning and, once in the late afternoon. It was part of my duties to bring up papers needing the Prime Minster;s attention or decisions and, should the subject matters were substantial and critical, I would accompany the Deputy Secretary-General in the Prime Minister’s Department, who would brief Tunku on the subject matter. Tunku abdul rahman was a nice, gentle person, fatherly in his approach and very approachable. He treated us all, the young officers serving him, as members of his family. He was always full of humour and wit and loved to pull our legs. One day I carried with me half a dozen or so, fat files, for his urgent attention. When I approached him, loaded with those files, he looked at me quizzically, and asked, “Radin, apa ni banyak banyak fails?” I explained that those were urgent files about matters requiring attention and decisions by Tunku. But Tunku was not one who loved to be harassed for decision, however urgent the matter was to us officers. Hearing my explanation, he looked at me and said, “Radin, apa ni urgent, semua urgent. Kita kerja nak mampuih, dunia lagu tu jugak!” (Radin, what is this urgent, all urgent. We work to death, the world goes on as it is!) That was vintage Tunku. Tunku was not a brilliant man like Mr Lee Kuan Yew of Singapore, but he lacked in brilliance, he was fully loaded with human feelings and compassion towards others and accepted the common human frailties. To me, he never seemed to be in a hurry. He rather preferred the natural flow of things. Though what he just said appeared to be uttered in jest, he was perfectly serious. He asked me to select those files which I considered very urgent aside and directed me to refer them to Tun Razak, because, he said, “Tun itu orang serious, dia suka barang-barang urgent. Tengok dia, kepala dah botak!” then he laughed! I followed his instruction and gave him just two files of less urgent matters, which he attended to immediately. The he said, “Ha, ini bagus lah Radin, kerja tak banyak!”

When Malaya gained independence in August 1957, the country was most fortunate to have a person like Tunku to be the first leader. For a country with multi-ethnic and multi-religious population, inter-racial and inter-religious relations were very very delicate subjects that needed to be handled with extreme care. Any political demagouges could stir up emotions among the people, on both genuine and imagined grievances, and this could cause alot of trouble. In fact, that was what happened in May 1969, when inter-ratial riots took place. From 1957 until that fateful day in May 1969, Tunku was always mindful of the various needs of all Malaysians : the Malays, the Chinese, Indians and others. He was completely devoid, to my knowledge, of any feelings that were racially bias. He loved all citizens of the country. To him, “Negara ini cukup kekayaan untuk semua” he loved to say. He distrusted some Malay young extremists in UMNO, including Dr Mahathir and Abdullah Ahmad. He was watchful and cautious towards the socialist minded like YB Aziz Ishak, the minister of Agriculture, who was all out to remove middlemen in business, who happened to be mostly Chinese and, vigorously set up the cooperative movements among poor fishermen and farmers. He could not understand why some people would pursue extreme measures in their political activities along religious line, like the PAS leader, Dato Asri, political leaders like Dr Tan Chee Koon, Karam Singh, D.R. Senivasagam and Labour leader, P. Narayanan. Some may conclude that Tunku was naive in his approach, but ti my mind, Tunku was a non-confrontational man. He always looked for a compromise in human dispute. To him the spirit of give and take was a great virtue and, making everybody happy gave him great joy. To him there was no such thing as ZERO-SOME GAME. Everyone has a place in his heart. This was his greatest legacy to the nation given at the early stages of the nation’s independence, when tolerance and greatness of heart was sorely needed at the leadership level. Compare him with the other Asian leaders of his generation, the quality of his leadership, though not as brilliant it might be, but his generosity of heart had shown through, in the success of the Nation in the following years. Malaya, and later Malaysia, was blessed by his presence. I was there at certain critical moments when momentous events affecting the nation occurred. It was a privilege and and my good fortune to be witness to some of those events. I remember vividly when Tunku returned from the Merdeka stadium to the Residency, the PM Official Residence, fuming very angrily because President Sukarno of Indonesia, at the same time the formation of Malaysia was proclaimed, announced his Policy of Konfrontasi towards Malaysia. Tunku was furious that a neighbouring Country for which he had great respect and sympathy, adopted a policy of almost a decleration of war. When he reached the Residency, joined gradually by all the VVIP’s, he was ranting in a rather raised voice, not his normally Tunku’s style, saying that Sukarno was an evil man, power-mad, wanting to grab his neighbour’s territory, had no principle and, a shamelss womanizer! Then he blurted out that “Sukarno orang Java, orang Java jahat, depa pakai keris dibelakang!” The whole gathereing, still on their feet after alighting from their cars, froze in silence. Then, after a couple of minutes, sensing that Tunku was a bit calm, Nik Hassan, his long time Personal Secretary, said, “Tunku, Radin ini orang Java.” pointing towards me. Tunku turned around, looked at me and with a flicker of smile, said, “Radin ini orang Java baik!” The VVIP’s roared with laughter. He continued, “Tengok dia takpun pakai keris dibelakang!” Another roar from the VVIP’s. Sensing the Tunku’s mood change, YB Sardom Jubir, the Minister of Transport, said, “Tunku, patik juga orang Java baik.” Tunku shifted his eyes to him and said, “Hang ni orang Java tak guna.” Another roar from us all! That was another vintage Tunku. He always managed to see the lighter side of things, however serious and weighty the matter might be. Immediately after those jokes at my and YB Sardon’s expense, the atmosphere because joyous, as it should be on the proclamation day of the formation of Malaysia.

The formation of Malaysia brought another hilarious incidence in which I was a witness and involved. Tunku’s official car was old and delapidated. As the officer in the Admin &Finance Division, it was part of my responsibility to look after his official needs. I requested Man Mansur, Tunku’s Senior Private Secretary, to enquire from Tunku what kind of car he wanted as a replacement for his old car. A few days later, I got information from Wan Mansur that the Tunku would never presume that he was equal to the Sultans. He would choose a more modest car. a few days later, I got information from Wan Mansur that the Tunku wanted a Cardillac like the Presidential Car used by the President of the united States. So I got busy getting the relevant Import Agency to quote the price of such a car. Within the week, I got the quotation. It was about RM 47,000 free of tax, being a government car. It was then an astronomical ammount, since at that time my own Volvo car cost me RM 6200 inclusive of tax. RM 47,000 nowadays can only buy a Kancil car! So no matter, we submitted the quotation for the Tunku’s approval before I placed a firm order with the importing firm. I did not know what really transpired between the Tunku and Wan Mansur’s handwriting, was hilarious. Wan Mansur wrote, “ Tunku kata harga tinggi, susah la, nanti depa attack saya di Parliment.” Wan Mansur replied, “Tunku, tak pe lah apa mereka mau kata. Ini kereta resmi Perdana Menteri Malaysia, bukan Malaya lagi. Jika Seenivasagam tentang, jawab saja, nanti apabila YB Seenivasagam jadi Perdana Menteri, dia mahu pakai kereta lembu, itu dia punya pasal!” Tunku said, “heh,heh, diluluskan, signed Tunku.” Wan Mansur and Nik Hassan were real support to Tunku. They always helped Tunku to ease the tremendous tensions and pressure the Office of the Prime Minister naturally carried. As predicted, the Tunku’s new official car drew attention of YB Seenivasagam in Parliment and Tunku answered exactly what Wan Mansur suggested him to reply, to the great mirth and laughter of the house!

Gradually over time, all of us who worked closely with Tunku, were regarded by him as members of his family. We, on our part, however, had to be very careful all the same, maintaining at all times, the regard and respect we must give to the Prime Minister and a Royal person that he was. Tunku, though of Royal blood, could be so personal that one could easily lose sight of his position. One night he and some of the cabinet ministers and their wives, had dinner at Mr Tim Critchley’s the Australian High Comissioner, house in Jalan Ampang. After dinner, as usual, Tunku loved to pass the time, on a round of poker a game. That night, he had one Dr Tan and Nik Hassan at his table and he neede another to complete the foursome. Seeing me standing around doing nothing, he said, “Radin, jom duduk sini, kita main poker.” I replied, “Ampun tuanku, patik tak tau main poker.” He responded, “Ha, hang tak tau main poker? Hang tak minum, tak main kuda, tak main perempuan ka?” I replied, “Ampun Tuanku, patik sudah kahwin bahagia, tak main perempuan.” following the drift of his mood. He said, “Kahwin lain, main perempuan lain. Hang tak buat ini semua masa muda, apa guna hidup? Hehe.” He laughed. “Tak pa lah hang duduk sana sama Dr Ismail, dia tu orang serious!” I was stuck with Tun Dr Ismail for the duration of the rest of the everning, in one-way conversation, with him analysing President Sukarno from the angle of psychology. i had no way to participate in his analysis- too technical and too dee for my understanding. After about two and a half hours, the party, mercifully, broke off and what a relief it was for me.

Off all the early leaders, I had much respect and admiration for Tun Razak too, beside Tunku Abdul Rahman. Tun was, in many ways, different from Tunku. Where Tunku was relax in his approach to matters of State, Tun was always in a hurry to bring about changes to the country. He was most concerned about the backwardness and poverty among the rural population. Though his attitude in this matter could be interpreted as very pro-Malay, tun was never a racial extremist. He held the view that the other races, the eCh Chinese and the Indians, could take care of themselves, but to him, the Malays needed more attention and help. His RED BOOK RURAL DEVELOPMENT was his hall mark in committing himself to developing the rural areas and for this, he, tirelessly, plunged headlong in cross-crossing the country, meeting all levels of society in the country and, coaxing them to adopt new attitide and mindset for progress. Right from the start of independence in 1957, until he died in early 1976, he sacrificed himself, including his health, in serving the rural people. Many thought and considered that his greatest achievement and contribution to the Nation was in the rural development arena, however, to me, his greatest legacy was in the field of education which, under the RAZAK EDUCATION REPORT, transformed education in the country from being elitist, to one which was open and universalised. THe effects of the Education Policy are still very much with us today, dwaffing the effects of the rural development he started. Education opens the mental vistas of the people, build confidence as a nation and, to the individuals, gives them greater self-worth. I just cannot adequately say how much I personally benefited from this policy. My rubber estate background, with very limited mental scope for understanding the world, suddenly, with good fortune through education, I fully benefited, in good measure, what life had to offer! I cannot ask for more! I am not, by any means in the rspect, alone benefitting the effects of the open and liberalised education policy. THe whole of my generation, the generations following, including your generation, had and still are enjoying fruits of the RAZAK EDUCATION REPORT. It was his most admirable foresight that for the long-term progress of the nation and country, edcation was made the central theme in the succeeding development plans, given the largest allocation under the Social Sector development and, today, we have, as a result, not one, but nine, I believe, and still growing number of Public Universities and several hundred of privte colleges, in the country. Sure, certain problems as regard employment for graduates, has become a serious matter of concern for the government and for all of us. THis is to be expected, but to my mind, it is much better for any country to have problems relating to excess in educated young population than shortages in this area. We need educated, ebern highly educated farmers, fishermen, shop keepers, restaurrant operators, office staff, etc,etc, Tour generation needs to change your mind set, from that, being a University graduate, yo hold the presumption that somehow, entitles you automatically, to be a boss in business and government departments. This attitude must change. I had the opportunity, during my service in the government, to visit and observe various types of farms in NZ, Austarlia USA, Italy and, also the developing countries, Indonesia, tHailand, THe Phillipines, Taiwan and South Korea. From those visits and observations, I noticed that the more educated the farmers, the more progressive the farms become. There were engineers, lawyers, economists, agronomists, business management graduates, even psychologists, etc, who were farming in NZ, Australia, Italy and the USA. While those engaged in farming in the developing countries were largely traditional farmers, lacking in education and technical knowhow. The differences in the farm productivities, management and overall performance between these two groups of country farms, are most telling.

Students of the college, I must stress here that it was leaders like tun Razak who gave us the opportunity to open up our mental vistas, to understand the world around us in a better light. Opportunities are aplenty around us today, just open your eyes and try your hand on anything that you fancy. Do not push yourself to a corner by thinking that when you qualify in engineering, you must become an enginerer. Not necessarily so. The core essence of education is to train one’s mind to analyse all the factors in any human activities and, once you have done this, try your luck and strike out without fear. I have four children and, none of them wanted to join thegovernment service like me before. My daughter graduated with second class honours in Economics from Norwich University, England, and she is noe, together with her business partners, running a Ladies Therapeutic Health Shop. My first son, a graduate in Electrical Engineering and Masters in Engineering Business from George Washingtopn University, work with DHL. My second son, graduated in Law from Univeristy of Keele, England, is now running his own legal firm with his partners. Finally, my last son, a graduate in business managementfrom Denver University, USA, has his own business in photography, covering functions like, marriages, conferences and advertisements,etc.

So you see, they are pursuing their own inclinations in area that never crossed my mind before. I take my hats off for theor courage and foresight, on striking out on their own. About a year ago, I read in the press about a man with a Law Degree, who had been working as a Public Prosecutoe in the Attorney General’s Chamber, left his job and became a goat farmer in Rawang. He is now the biggest goat farmer with over two thousand goats in his farm! This, I thought, must be a venture properly based on the facts and factors about goat meat and milk production in the local market. THis , person must have done thorough investigation of the country’s demand for goat products to plunge into goat farming. He obviously, saw the opportunity and went for it! I admire such people. Do you know that the country is currently spending RM 14 billion on food imports a year? a big proportion of these food stuffs can be produced locally. Find out the details and pluck up courage and go for it. Being college students, you should be sensitive on these matters and, seize the opportunity and find your own footing in life. If you can, I am sure you can, like the Lawyer who turned goat farming, you will not only help yourself in finding a living, but, in the process, you will do a great service to the country, in saving the country from spending foreign exchange. Recently, there had been almost a hysterical outcry in the press that the country had about 80,000 unemployed university graduates. If thenumber was correct, so what? It is the intention and objective as it should, of the government to give education as widely as possible to the general population, as envisaged under the RAZAK EDUCATION REPORT. But it is not the sole responsibilty of a democratic Government to gurantee all graduates a living. You have to make a living on your own and of your own choice. The current problem int he unemployed university graduated is partially due to the ‘unemployability’ of these graduates, and this, to my mind, is the result of misreading of the real goal of education. The final goal of university education should not merely be the application of the subjects you passed in the exam: History, Mathematics, Economics, Engineering, Pure Sciences,etc,etc, but the application of the mental training in the process towards attaining the degrees, to real life situation. The discipline in research techniques, the development in menatl sharpness, the understanding and application of analytical processes, the wisdom in selecting choices in life these are some of the core essence of education. Any university or college which fails to impart these capabilities to its students, then the Institution deserves the calling of a failed institution.

Soon, you will join the queue in the job market. Remember, do not get discouraged if you fail in the first attempt. Try and try, again and again, one of these days your day will come. Have courage and high-self esteem to strike on your own, should the market did not not offer you that job you think you deserve. Let me conclude my talk today with a paraphrase of the ringing call by President Kennedy, during the inaygural address in 1960, which I will rephrase for our situation:

I CALL UPON YOU, MY FELLOW MALAYSIANS, THINK NOT WHAT THE COUNTRY CAN DO FOR YOU, BUT THINK WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR YOUR COUNTRY.

THANK YOU.

Bahyah, I love you very much and I miss you. I promise to make you proud. I will forever pray for you so that Allah will take care of you. Amin.

Embahyah

2010-07-12T13:27:00.000-07:00

I thought I was that sort of girl that nothing bad happens to. All my life, I went through without bad experiences or horrible encounters because I thought that I was lucky enough to be spared all that. But this year, the 18th year of my life, I have been nothing but tested upon with painful experiences, one after another, with the biggest hit-on-the-head experience yesterday.

I lost my grandfather. Tan Sri Radin Soenarno. If you dont know him or havent met him, a year back, I written a piece about him in my blog - here. If you are one of my friends, you would have seen him around. He basically took care of me wen my family was away in Scotland so he came to my Speech Day and saw me playing the violin. That made him the proudest granddad ever as he couldnt stop smiling after. He was sitting throughout my farewell party at the house waiting to pay the catering bill as he also decided to bask in the joy of the event with me. Or you would have known him because I talk about my grandparents alot. I mention him quite alot in my conversations because he and my grandma play a very big part in my life.

Its 2.30 am in the morning and we, as a family burried him yesterday night. My grandma, my mom and I cannot sleep after 2 hours of slumber. I dont know why but I think being the firstborn girls in our respective families bonds us somehow. Anyway, my granddad left the world at 5.35pm yesterday after loosing the battle with his weak heart and toxins in his blood after developing infections. He was in an induced coma after the 2nd operation, and from then on, he didnt manage to wake up and heal like planned.

My flight was due on the 14th of July but after hearing that my granddad was cut open for the 2nd time, I changed my flight and got the next flight out from the UK. If I hadnt made the decision to change the details of my flight, I think I will not have forgiven myself. But Alhamdulillah, I made it home in time. He was already in a coma when I arrived so I didnt say a proper goodbye to him but I know that he knew I was present, like all my family members were present during these past few days. God works in mysterious ways. He left us right when the whole family was present to see him go. My family had moved back from Aberdeen a week before and Yana is back from college for the weekend, so every single one of us was there to bid our goodbyes. And for that, I am thankful.

Despite everything that has happened, I still feel his presence around. I feel like he is hearing and observing what we are saying and doing as a family. Only now do I understand why people look for 'ghosts', because as of now, I still hope that I could meet my grandfather one last time so I could say goodbye. Even if it is destined that we meet in my dreams during my sleep. That is good enough for me.

I dont know how to handle grief, but I plan to take it one step at a time. I think that I am still in shock so I think about him all the time now, wishing that Allah is protecting him, wherever he is at the moment. I dont know what lies in store for me later on but funny enough, I am not scared because I know that Embahyah is supporting me wherever I go and in whatever I do. When I feel lonely, I have his letters and emails to keep me company. May Allah forgive your sins and bless your soul, Bahyah. I miss you, as do all of us, but we know and we are happy that you are at a better place, closer to our Creator, who would take good care of you from here on out.

I love you with all my heart,

Ayne

Footie

2010-07-04T09:20:00.000-07:00

I am in a house filled with football freaks. So I had no choice but become absorbed with the games. And truthfully, football is kind of thrilling. I found myself shouting at the television like all the others in the world.

Ghana vs Uruguay

OMG was that a great game! Ghana's first penalty shoot was just URGH! I mean Uruguay wouldnt have won at all if they didnt commit a foul by hand ball-ing. Ghana should have won but seriously, the easiest penalty shoot in the world, and he had to hit the goal post! So both teams were equally bad, but it was an exciting game to watch.

I didnt watch the Germany game because I was at my aunts. But Germany totally smothered Argentina. Poor dad, he supported Argentina. Oh well, you cant have everything. :(

Paraguay vs Spain

I was supporting the underdogs, Paraguay but that went down to the dumps, didnt it? i supported Ghana too and see where that went. This game was nerve wrecking but not as nerve wrecking as the previous game. Para's 1st penalty shoot failed. I was gutted. Then, Spain! Scored first penalty but that didnt count. Thank God! And didnt score the 2nd. Thank God! But they had to score in the last 10 minutes of the game. URGH. And that was a total fluke because the ball hit the goal posts and its because of being lucky did the ball fall conveniently into the goal. So Villa is not that big of a hero. I feel anyway.
But both teams were good. Defence very strong.

So in conclusion, I foresee Germany and Holland in the finals. Cant wait!

Is my love your drug?

2010-07-01T03:56:00.000-07:00

Yet another video blog! I love doing these things. Perfect ending to this chapter.

My family away from my family

2010-06-30T14:06:00.000-07:00

I LOVE THEM. SO SO SO MUCH.

Mummy Moya, my first host mom. Shes my good friend and I loved living with her. She cares about us and shes the kind of person who buys cakes for your birthday. I am going to miss her. Shes coming to KL this summer for a visit! And I cant wait to be her tour guide!

My host dad, Michael and my host mom, Fiona. Fiona is from Melbourne, Australia and Michaels form London. Fiona even said that if I go to Melbourne, we can stay at their family farm! I love my time at their home because every night, we sit down for dinner and have great conversations. I am going to miss them because they are marvelous people. Very fun loving and out going.

Both families have been nothing but great to me and i love them both. Very much so.

End of another chapter

2010-06-30T10:45:00.000-07:00

A levels is done and over. Gosh, how that is so good to say. Freedom tastes sweet like sugar. I walked around Brighton today for the last time. And I would be lying if I said that I didnt get choked up. I felt so at home. This is the place that I actually grew as a human. First time being very much on your own without supervision. KYS does not count in that category because they would do everything in their power to make you into someone that they want you to be. Scholarships, Universities, All Rounder. What if I wanted to become a painter? That wouldve not gone down well. Lots has happened since then. I have discovered myself more. And I am less scared than I used to be. And Im thankful. As of right now, I can say in total honesty, that I am happy. Through and through. Not just because my exams are over. I am just so happy with where I am, what I have become, and what I have as of this moment. Family, friends and oh so cute sun dresses. What more can a girl my age ask for?

Now, my bags are packed. Books have been thrown away. Notes have been recycled. And alot of extra clothes have been donated. Im pumped and ready for another adventure. Opening another chapter of my life. Although taking a gap year sounds a bit daunting, because I finished my exams yesterday, and as of now, I am already bored, I am really really excited to see what is in store for me. What God has planned for me. In the long run, I think I would look back and remember the good old days, and smile to myself. :D

Happiness

2010-06-27T13:16:00.000-07:00

Fearless is having fears. Lots of them. But you jump anyway. Thats fearless.

And to love is to be FEARLESS.

Do we really have to say goodbye?

2010-06-26T05:29:00.000-07:00

So I have officially finished A Level Biology! Yesterdays paper was alright. Not great but it was ok. My essay was good, I hope. InsyaAllah good enough for an A grade.

Right after the paper, we headed off to the beach. Just to chillax and spend time together before departing on our own separate ways. You see, we do not have a proper prom or graduation ceremony. Well, there was the May Ball. But that was just partying more than anything. I cant categorise that as a prom because it was kind of wilder version. Bellerbys is hard core like that! Haha.

So anyway, we took the choo choo train to the Marina. I rode it before with El, so I recommended it to them because it was a fun train ride. Also, the beach down west has no birds in sight! I hate birds. I think I have established that, and near the pier, theres alot of food, ergo lots of big birds. So, we opted to go to the beach further away. But that also means going near the nude-y beach again. But at least this time, I was prepared. Not like the last time, when it was like a suprise attack. Haha. But there were more people outside the boundaries this time. And things were seen eventhough we were safe, outside the boundary.

There was the hill that covered the naked people from views of little kids

I swear that that sign was not used really well. Because they were spread everywhere. They did not follow the boundary rules. Haha.

Choo choo train!

Then, we took a dip in the icy sea. It was kinda icy. If you only dip your feet in it, you will loose the sensation in your toes. So we were like, heck, lets drench ourselves. And after that, it wasnt that cold anymore. Take that Fiona! I did it! Haha. But it took forever for me to dry. On the way back I was still damp, especially my red scarf. But the bus driver didnt say anything about taking in a wet passenger, so I didnt mind either. We took a bus to Moya, my old host mom's temporary house to have our last supper. Haha. We had spaghetti and watched Spain vs Chile where I stole my first glance on Torres. All I can say is, HOT DAMN! Hahaha. But the great thing about that visit was that Moya's mom, who is 87 years old, complimented me. It went down like this. She asked how old I was. 18. And she said, 'Really? You look so much older because you are very pretty.' At this point, i was blushing. But she went on and said the words 'pretty' and 'beautiful' many times. Highlight of my day. Haha.

But in all seriousness, I am going to miss my life here. Brighton is love. And the friends and family I made here are priceless. Im going to miss them and I hope in years to come, we would still remain the same kind of people, the people that we grew to be in Brighton.

i didnt know to be in love, you got to fight to get the upperhand

2010-06-25T03:56:00.000-07:00

Im having my Biology paper today! Last Biology paper to be precise! After that, two more papers and I, officially graduate from the rough and tough Alevel period of my short lived life. After the paper, my friends and I are planning to take a dip in the ocean blue. So expect pictures to be put up soon.

My host mom, Fiona, said that she doesnt believe that I would swim because the sea is icy and cold. But just because she dared me, I would do it. Drenched from head to toe baby. Haha. Oh. And I found a naked beach that day when I was wondering around Brighton with El. But I would save that little story for next time because it did impact me in a kinda big way because things were seen. And not because I wanted to, it was just potrayed in front of me. Hahaha.

But I dont blame them though. It has been very very hot these past few days. With no air conditioning indoors, it has just been boiling. If I could, I would have stripped down to short sleeves and shorts a long time ago. But I glad to report that I am still sensible. For now. Haha.

Wish me luck for Biology! I do really want to do well because I have worked my ass off!

Daddy dearest

2010-06-22T12:54:00.000-07:00

This is my dad whom I have the honour of calling my Papa. If I were a princess, he would be the most handsome king who ruled all the land. He would sit up on his golden throne, and eat rojak while seeing his 5 children play cars and doll houses in the castle gardens. Scratch that. He would have joined us instead of watching us. Long ago when I was 8 years old, papa taught me to ride my first grown up bicycle. We would spend quite some time at the garden, me, falling of my noble stead, while papa would watch patiently as I stood back up again. This is what my dad is. He is patient. The most patient man I have ever known. When we switched the TV channel to watch Disney during a football match, papa would not say a word because that is the type of person that he is. Instead of saying 'Its football time. Change the channel please', papa would watch Phineas and Ferb with the rest of us, laughing along.

Sometimes I think the 5 of us forget how much papa does for us and how much papa had sacrificed for our happiness. I dont think that, I know it. And from the bottom of my heart, I would like to say how thankful I am that I have you as my father. Despite us being on different countries most of the time, I do realise how hard papa works for the betterment of the family and I appreciate that. But most of all, I appreciate your presence as a great father figure. When I was little, I used to fall asleep on your back because it was so comfy. When I was older, and I went to KYS, you were there to send me off on my first day. Later on, when hormones began to rage, and I had my disagreements with mama, you were there to help me see better. And throughout my tough times in Bellerbys, you were there always supporting my decisions. Even if you might disagree with my choices, you would always say without fail, 'As long as you are happy, Ayne' , and after that, everything just seemed alright and better.

But I must say, my fondest 'Papa' moment was when I was 10 and we went to Florida for a holiday. It was when we were on the green coaster at Universal Studios, appropriately named, The Hulk. Since mama does not ride rides and Ezryn was too short to ride on the big ones, papa was my companion throughout the whole trip. Papa even bought contact lenses for the occasion! Coming back to the story, we were on the coaster after a long time queuing up, and just when we were shot at about 50mph, Papa and I screamed our heads off. That was a real bonding moment right there. And I loved every second of it.

Since then, I have grown older and wiser, all due to your guidance. Because of that, I have become a better human being. From now on, I would continue to grow and become my own self, changing as this journey unfolds, but one thing would stay constant. I would always be Papa's little girl. The girl that loves dinosaurs and ice cream. Yup, that girl. Always and forever.

I love you Papa with all my heart.

Love always, your daughter,

Ayne

Random bus hopping

2010-06-21T14:43:00.000-07:00

El and I went bus surfing today where we take random buses and see where it takes us because as it is our last leg in Brighton we figured we'd make the most of it by seeing sights outside the library walls. Haha. And it was worth it! First, we took bus number one because it seemed like the coolest choice and we ended up at Whitehawk. Cool name, I know. And it was up on the hill where you can see the sights below, that is Brighton. So we walked to the other side, through this walk pathway thing which was ever so green and we ended up here, at the Race course where they race horses and ladies wear big, extravagant hats.

The Brighton Race Course

Travelling buddy, El

The view is much nicer than this. I swear.

Then we hopped on the 25 to see the universities. Sussex and Brighton. Not really exciting here. Sussex Uni's buildings are brown and Brighton's are grey. Thats all that I can conclude from this part of the journey. Haha.

That heap of stuff is the students laundry. Go figure.

Then, we took a break and had lunch at the Pavillion. There were many birds and I hate birds! There they go, bobbing their head around searching for food like they have nothing else better to do. I get extra cautious and screechy when them birds are seagulls. Urgh, scary. But the view and the sunny weather made up for it. And I much enjoyed my peanut butter and banana wholemeal wrap packed from home.

So pretty.

Then we went to the library to do some Biology until our brains oozed out DNA for one and a half hours. Biology is tiring. Enough said. But I did see the homeless guy in the library, whom I saw the other day too. Elvina said that he wasnt homeless but i knew better because he stank. The kind that can make you cry after one inhalation. So he was there on the computer playing games. Not judging or anything, but he could seriously have used his time better during the 30 minutes that you are allowed to use the computer by searching for jobs or communal showers instead of battling digital aliens.

After cracking our brains, we took a walk along the beach front to search for this American Diner cause we wanted pancakes for breakfast on Wednesday. Somehow, we ended up in a cafe/bar thing right in front of the sea, with my glass of iced milk and Elvina, with her cup of Earl Grey tea. I need my daily calcium intake, or I'll get grumpy.

Semi-skimmed please. Because full fat is too sweet and skimmed milk tastes like water.

Then, we got on the beach and sunbathed, fully clothed, which I thought would confuse on lookers. But we dont give a damn. And there was serious PDA going on in front of us where this couple was making out like they had their own room. I was wondering when they would get a gasp of air, but they went at it till we left, which was 30 minutes after we arrived. What can I say, its Brighton.

Head banging

2010-06-20T06:56:00.000-07:00

BLOODY HELL! WHY IS PARAMORE IN THE UK WHEN I AM NOT!!!!!!!
This is just killing me, I swear.

I only have 5 people/ bands that I have to see before I die :

1. Taylor Swift (check! - and it was oh so awesome!)
2. Beyonce
3. Michael Buble
4. Backstreet Boys
5. Paramore

Lady Gaga was on the list. But since the whole Alejandro fiasco, I aint sure anymore. Maybe but then again, maybe not. I would like to see her theatricality and performances though. I'll think about it.

But getting back to the main point, I need to check out all the above artists before my days in the UK is up cause there is a 99.9999% guarantee that they would not even touch foot on Malaysian land. Oh well. Ill just wait till my London days to stalk them crazy. Till then, biology exam on Friday.

E=mc2

2010-06-18T15:31:00.000-07:00

England didn't win again! This time to Algeria. Let us rejoice! I foresee that they aren't even going to make the cut to the next stage. But only time will tell.

We had our official last day of school today. Finishing with a c4 paper. I thought it went well, but I might have made careless mistakes here and there. Hopefully nothing too serious. So anyway, we had our last Physics extra class yesterday with Mr Barrell. He is this tall, lanky, very deep voiced character and he has red hair!

His red hair is not apparent in this picture but oh well. Anyway, I must thank him for making Physics really interesting for the past 1 and a half years. He taught me during my AS papers, hence the full marks for my units! Woot woot! Haha. But for A2, my teacher got switched to X. He was a very experienced teacher but he was scary. He called me an idiot once, and I have never ever ever been called that before in my life! So as my class was a class of 13, with me being the only girl, I played the feminist card and asked to switch to a new class taught by Y. He was good too but not as good as Mr Barrell.

Mr B is a fairly new teacher but he just make Physics so interesting! Plus, he is very nice and funny. He led the extra class pro bono because our VP didnt pay him for the extra hours. So, us 3 girls chipped in for a red wine voucher because he really does like his red wine. (Note the picture) He hinted really hardly that he would like it, so we were like what the hell! I got a bottle of Merlot from Sainsburys for him and I had to show ID! I felt really hard core. Oh well, first and last time I guess. Haha.

I am going to miss my teachers. Mrs Webber on the left is my Biology teacher and she is a character! She has tonnes of pets in her house. Rats, chickens,fish, cats and the weirdest, stick insects! Nice. She is very dedicated and thats why it was a pleasure being her student.

And my Chemistry teacher, Mr Loft!

He looks like the slim version of Santa Clause in this picture. But he started growing a beard right after summer holidays last year. So, we came back from our holidays to a suprise as he was clean shaven before. Honestly, I cant even remember how he looked like before the facial hair. Haha.

He loves his football as much as he loves his beer. He also loves Chemistry like its the most important thing in the world. (Exaggeration there. Haha.) He is a magnificent teacher! Now, not only do I understand Chemistry, I actually like it very much too! Kudos to Mr Loft for making that happen because in Form 5, I liked Chemistry, but most of it was just memorising facts and not really appreciating the subject matter as such. But now I am a chemistry geek, and I am proud of it! Hope I'll do well in my A2 and make you proud! He is moving to Madrid to teach and I wish nothing but the best for him. Going to miss the jokes and the times that Elvina, Isabel and I bully him. Especially during titrations. I know. We have amazingly exciting lives!

I should definitely add my Math teachers here too. But Ill do that some other time because it does not come under the E=mc2 title. Haha.

Paparazzi

2010-06-17T10:59:00.000-07:00

Someone totally stole a picture of me during May Ball and its a very nice picture, so I stole it for my own collection. Its on the Bellerbys Website to prove it! Haha. Thank you Mr Photographer person whos identity is anonymous!

I am rocking the Pocahontas right there! Haha

Thank God Im not a California Gurl

2010-06-16T14:40:00.000-07:00

Katy Perry's music video was really obscene I thought. And showed nothing about California as a state. It was really colourful and pretty but it was as weird as Alejandro, which did not make any sense at all.

I had my Biology paper today and I am so thankful that its done and over. I thought the paper was easier than the January paper, but all I can do now is wait for the results. August, please be good to me.

I just realised recently that I have only 2 weeks left in Brighton and in my new host family. And I am honestly very sad. I dont want to leave my awesome host family, my friends and Brighton! Because Brighton has become like my 3rd home. 1st being PJ, 2nd being Aberdeen. So, I truthfully would miss the atmosphere and the weird people here. Where else can you be near the beach and have quirky, gay people roaming around? Only in Brighton. Haha. And my new host family has been nothing but great to me. We have great conversations over dinner which most of the time, are the times that i look forward the most in my daily routines. If they were rotten to us I would gladly leave. But they are the total opposite, and for that, I am truly grateful.

That being said, I am not that looking forward to going back to Malaysia. I wish I had more time here. If not for my driving license, I would rather spend summer here or in France. Or spend it in New Zealand with my best cousin, Elly. That would be ideal. Oh well, I am blessed to have many homes. And I hope to add London and Kenya to my list soon. InsyaAllah.

you took me from crayons to perfume

2010-06-14T15:14:00.000-07:00

IF I SEE SUCCESSION ONE MORE TIME, I AM GOING TO FLIP!!

I went to Big L last weekend yet again. Hence the pictures. Arina was here! And i couldnt miss the opportunity of a mini reunion despite the exams. Neither could Uzira who came down from Cambridgeshire. Be thankful Arina that you have cool friends like us! Haha

We started of at Buckingham Palace where we got lucky because there was a show going on in conjunction with the Queens birthday. Apparently they do this every half year. Which got me thinking, what do you say during the second celebration? Happy half birthday? Glad you are half a year older? Seems very unnatural. But heck, you are the queen! You could get up on the balcony and dance the cha cha and that would still be acceptable. Haha.

We got lost on the way to the Natural History Museum from Harrods. Plus, we opted to walk it so my legs were strained the whole journey. But the laughs were so worth it!

We had kebabs at Uzira's pad before going to Oxford street, concluding our rushed tour of London.

Then i rushed back to Brighton because I was supposed to join Moya (old host mom) for dinner with the rest of her ex-9 students because one of us was going to leave for home soon. It was not worth my early trip home. For one, our dinner got postponed for 2 hours due to a bloody football match. So we had to stay at the pub, waiting for the boys to finish watching it. I tried watching it for 5 minutes, and I can honestly say that it is not that interesting. As pay back though, I was secretly wishing and hoping that the US would win the match because I was sick of seeing them people in the pub getting so cocky on their not-so-good national team. Thank God that it came down to a tie at the end. Take that suckers!

So yes, I did not have dinner in the end because I decided to catch the bus home early despite walking 30 minutes to the bloody restaurant, being bombarded my neurotic england fans who asked us whether we were supporting England. Chillax! Its only the first match! And fortunately, you did not win!

So yes, I was frustrated of waiting for an overpriced meal so I bailed. Coming home to a delicious pizza. Thank you Fiona!

But on the bus, I saw something that made me cheer up a little bit. A guy in a pub was holding an England flag up. One second later, he let it slip from his hands, the flag falling on the dirty street, admitting defeat. Oh yes, I LIKE. That really put a smile on my face that night. Haha.